KEYBOARD CONTEMPLATIONS

Fixing the Washing Machine

2012-01-09T18:56:00.001-08:00

While I am not the most inept person at fixing things, I am far from a handy man. So, I hate it when I receive a call from my wife like the one I got on Friday - the one where she says that something is broken. This means one of two things, or both. Either, I will spend a lot of frustrating time trying to fix the item, or I will spend too much money to have it repaired or replaced. Or, I will spend too much frustrating time trying to fix the item and then have to spend more money to fix or replace it.

My wife let me know that the washing machine stopped working; it was running and suddenly stopped spinning. She had several loads to do and we continually have to use it because there are nine people, including a baby who is constantly spitting up on everyone's clothes, in the house. It needed to be fixed ASAP.

Since I do not know what I am doing, I decide to go online for help. Using Yahoo, I start my search. As I am typing in the kind of machine, the drop down menu suggests that I am asking about this machine not spinning. When Yahoo knows my question before I even finish it, then this must be a widespread problem. Why does there have to be a widespread problem? Well, at least there may be several people offering help.

From reading the articles, it looks like the "coupler" is bad and some other husbands have fixed it. Good - I have a chance. Now, if I only knew what a coupler looked like.

That can wait. Surely, I have to open the machine to get to the coupler. I look in the machine and there is no water in it. Again, good - I don't have to drain anything. I disconnect the hoses and water shoots everywhere. Perhaps, I should have shut the water off first. At least I knew to unplug the electric before I started working on it. I yell for towels and clean up the water.

Now, for opening up the machine. I unscrew the screws in the back. After getting every visible screw out, the back will not come off. Back to online help. Oh, apparently, the back does not come off. Instead, the front slides off. I find diagrams for removing the front. That was not too hard.

I look inside and nothing is labeled as a coupler. I go back online. Now, I find a video. This is great. I follow the video. I turn the machine on its side and remove some screws and a bracket. Two part should now separate and the coupler should be in between. No such luck. It looks like more screws need to be removed. Which ones? I could remove everything I see like I did on the back. That did not work, so I will try something different. Back online. Oh, the guy on the video skipped a step. Three bolts have to be removed, but he did not show that. All right - the pieces separated and I can see the coupler.

The guy on the video said that you can tell if the coupler is the problem because you can visibly see that it is broken. I look. It does not appear to be broken. I pull it out and YES, YES, YES it is broken. Out loud, I yell, "All right!" Did I just cheer because something was broken? Yes, but that is because I hope that it really is the problem.

Now, I need a new coupler. It is too late on Friday to get the part. Hopefully, I can find it on Saturday. I don't want to order online, because that will take too long to get. We need the washer now.

On Saturday, I go to a parts store near my house. The lady behind the counter is on the phone. She looks grumpy. It sounds like the customer on the phone is giving her a hard time. I hope she will be nicer to me; I am a novice. She slams down the phone. It is my turn. I think, "She will be nice to me because I will be nice. I will smile. I have a simple problem, after all Yahoo says couplers commonly break. This will be easy for her." I tell her that I need a coupler for a Kenmore washing machine, model series 80. She is very annoyed with me. She wants to know what the model number is. I thought I just told her, it is a model series 80. Apparently, that is not good enough for her. I explain that I think this is a pretty common part and fairly standard on all wash machines. She disagrees but can give me what she will guess I need - but it cannot be returned if it is the wrong part, after all, I did not know the exact model number. I still think it is a common part, so, fine, I will buy it for $28. In the car, I look at the bag. It says that it fits nearly every washing machine ever made. So, I am exaggerating, but it did say it fits most Kenmore, Maytag, Whirlpool, etc. washers. I knew it was a common part.

At home, the part fits perfectly. The pieces go back together. There are no left over screws. The hoses are back on. The machine runs. It spins. It does not leak. Mission accomplished. And now I can proudly tell the world that I fixed a washing machine.

Finding Encouragement from Moses While Raising Foster Children

2011-12-27T16:26:00.001-08:00

Raising three foster children can be a challenge. In my case, I find this to be especially true. All three of my foster children are in diapers. The oldest is a nearly three year old boy who has a ton of energy, is strong willed and defiant, will not obey, refuses to nap, and has major screaming fits when he does not get his way. The second is a recently turned two year old girl. She came to us when she was nine months old, weighing only 14 pounds because she was not fed properly. While she appears to have recovered well, she still has baggage from not being fed properly; she has little desire to eat and it is a constant battle to get her to eat. Because of her small size, she is under medical supervision by doctors who continually want to test her to see if something is wrong, even though, to date, they have found nothing wrong with her. In recent months, she has been demonstrating some of her brother's strong willed and defiant traits. The third child is a baby boy born in July. Unlike his sister, he wants to eat continually and wants to be held all of the time, even though that does not always make him happy. The worst part is that he refuses to sleep through the night. Every night he is up once or twice wanting a bottle. Often, he will not return to sleep, requiring my wife or I to stay up throughout the night to keep him quiet so that he will not wake his brother or sister, who are little terrors if they do not sleep all night. The kids are high maintenance and require constant supervision.

I realize that I am complaining a lot. But, you need to know these facts in order to understand my reaction to reading Numbers 11. In this chapter, the Israelites are complaining again, this time about the lack of meat to eat. Moses was displeased (verse 10) and beginning in verse 11, he says to God, "Why have you dealt ill with your servant? And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth, . . . I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me."

I know my circumstances are nothing like what Moses faced. But, sometimes I feel like Moses. Like the Israelites, the foster kids are high maintenance. Even though their behavior has improved during the 17 months they have lived with us, they still require constant supervision and we still have the previously described struggles. While they may not complain like the Israelites, their behavior makes it difficult to be around them and it feels like their behavior is complaining.

Some days are particularly difficult and, like Moses, I ask "Why God have you but this burden on me. The lack of sleep and lack of time with my wife is killing me. I cannot handle it. I know you want me to help needy children, but why did you have to give me such difficult children. These are not even my children. Sandy and I did not even give birth to them. I did not bring them into this world, so why am I paying the price of raising them? How am I supposed to get the strength and patience to raise them? I cannot do it. This burden is too heavy for me."

In the passage, God responded by providing helpers for Moses, by providing for their physical needs with quail, and by punishing them with too much quail and a plague. For me, the punishment does not apply because the foster kids are children and are not responsible, in the same way, as the adult Israelites.

However, I do see other similarities. God has provided people to help us. My wife is a great help to me. In fact, she does more of the raising of the children than I do. In reality, I am merely the helper for her. My children are also a great help. I know God would provide, but I do not think we could raise them without the help of my children. Others help occasionally, like our parents. Another help is actual encouragement from other people.

Similar to God's help in Numbers 11, God also provides physically for us. Even though Sandy and I get little sleep, somehow I am responding better than I ever thought I would with such little sleep. He is providing supernatural strength to survive my lack of sleep. God also provides opportunities for Sandy and I to get away and spend some time together. We enjoy weekly dates to the bookstore, which are made possible by my older children who babysit.

While at times, it seems like the foster children are a burden, I know that God has given us a privilege to raise them. He does not give us more than we can handle. If they are such a challenge, then God knows we are capable of handling this challenge. And, He has given us a lot of help in facing the challenge, including physical help from our children and supernatural help to survive little sleep. Ultimately, if these children accept Christ as their Saviour and spend eternity in heaven with God, then whatever price I pay is worth it. My price is very little compared to the price that Jesus paid to provide salvation for me. These children also provide multiple opportunities for me to learn lessons from God. I have gained a much greater understanding of what it means to be adopted into God's family and made a child of God. I have learned that I need to be dependent upon God and not really upon my strength. These lessons are continuing.

Engagement Night

2011-12-23T16:25:00.001-08:00

On the last day of Fall Quarter at Cedarville in 1988 (that sounds like a long time ago), I picked up a small diamond engagement ring. A short time later, I was with my girlfriend, in her car, driving home. She had finished student teaching and said her teacher was asking if she was going to get engaged over Christmas break. She said that she was not getting engaged. I had to keep a straight face as the ring sat in my pocket.

A few days later, I was standing next to her as she talked with a friend. They were talking about how guys never want to ask the dad if they can marry the daughter. Sandy explained that we were going to dinner that night and afterwards I was going to talk to her father. Again, I had to keep a straight face because I had already talked to her dad.

On December 23, 1988, we at dinner at Wanamaker's and watched their famous Christmas light show. I had a strong urge to pop the question right then. I could not keep holding the ring any more. But, that was not my plan, so I waited. After dinner, we traveled towards Independence Hall to get a carriage ride. Due to rain, no carriages were present. Sandy said the carriage ride was no big deal and we could go home. I told her that I really wanted to find some carriages. I drove to South Street and we found some carriages. As we rode along, I pulled the ring out of my pocket and told her that I have grown to love her over the last several months, I would like to spend the rest of my life with her, and asked her to marry me. Shocked and speachless, she paused. Then she said, "Yes" followed by, "when did you ask my Dad?"

Twenty three years later, I am married to my best friend. A lot has happened during these 23 years. We have four natural born children living with us, four children in heaven, and three Foster children that we hope to adopt. We started a solo law practice in the home and turned it into a partnership with real office space. She teaches our children at home. We have served many hours in our church and have mentored numerous people. Through it all, I cannot imagine my life without her. Although I cannot understand it, I love her more today that ever. Even though she is 23 years older, she looks more beautiful to me today than she did the day she said "Yes."

Is Xmas Offensive?

2011-12-07T17:59:00.000-08:00

It's a common sign this time of year. The sign that says "Xmas" instead of Christmas. Understandably, many Christians get upset when they see the sign. Not only have they removed Christ from Christmas, but they have crossed him out with an "X".

I don't believe that Christians should be offended when they see the "Xmas" abbreviation - because, in reality, "Xmas" is an abbreviation based upon the Greek language. While I do not know Greek, it is my understanding that when Christ is spelled in Greek, the first letter is "X". So, biblical scholars, Bible students, and Christians have, for centuries, used "X" as an abbreviation for Christ. "Xmas" is simply an abbreviation for Christmas, which actually recognizes the name of Christ.

While Christians should be concerned about the commercialization of Christmas and, in a practical sense, Christ is largely ignored at Christmas time, their concern about Xmas is misplaced.

Helping the Poor

2011-12-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

Recently, I blogged about how many of the "poor" in the United States are not really poor. While this is true, there are people in the U.S. who are really poor and live in crime infested, destitute neighborhoods. Even though the Bible commands Christians to help the poor, many Christians and churches ignore this responsibility. Instead, they have turned the responsibility over to the government. Such inaction by Christians and takeover by the government has not truly helped the poor, but has made many Christians spiritually poor.

While there is no single answer to problems involving the poor, one solution is for Christians to be active in helping the truly poor. One such couple is Bill and Shannon Merck, who are members of Immanuel Baptist Church in Maple Shade, New Jersey. Seeing Camden, one of the poorest communities in the country, only a few miles from their church, they felt a need to provide real help to truly poor people. For the second year in a row, they organized a Christmas concert to raise funds. The concert took place at their church and involved members of their church, as well as talent from the area. They even had a band from New York City. At the end, Shannon sang and shared her heart. Her passion engulfed the auditorium. She explained the need and how they desired to help. Last year, they raised $1,500.00 and gave coats, gloves, books, and toys to needy children. This year, they identified over twenty children, twelve of whom are currently homeless, to help. These are people who truly need help. Again, they will provide coats, gloves, books, and toys. In addition, they identified a center that provides after school care for poor children. They will assist this center and the center helps children with physical needs and shares the gospel with them. If there is more money, they have identified other needy children through DYFS, whom they will help.
Bill and Shannon are a remarkable couple who are making a difference in the lives of people. They see a need and are acting. They are not living in their own material filled bubble ignoring those around them. They are not being judgmental. They are not waiting for the government or someone else to help. They are part of the solution. For that, I want to applaud them, am glad that we could provide some help, and that my children could be part of the benefit concert.

PS - if you are interested in contributing, let me know and I will get you in contact with Bill and Shannon.

Dave Ramsey's Time Management Tips from EntreLeader

2011-11-21T18:32:00.000-08:00

I have been reading Dave Ramsey's new book, EntreLeader. In chapter 3, he gives some good tips about time management. For example he relates some tips from Stephen Covey about evaluating whether tasks are urgent and important, important but not urgent, urgent but not important, and not urgent and not important. He also talks about using a "To Do" list, using time productively rather then wasting it, having productive meetings, applying technology productively, and using personnel to make you more productive.

While these tips are good, I believe they need to be kept in balance. For example, he spends a great deal of time warning about personnel who waste other people's time by talking. I understand and agree with him that we need to be careful about casual conversation taking away from productivity. But, I think he goes overboard. Maybe I am reading him wrong, but it appears that unless the conversation is important to his business, he will not have the conversation and does not want other employees having such conversation.

Some of those conversations may not be directly related to business, but they may be important to building relationships in the workplace that ultimately make people more productive. More importantly, they may also be opportunities to build into the life of another person. Perhaps, you can use those conversations to encourge someone, train them, or provide biblical wisdom. Not all of these conversations are a waste of time. God puts more value on relationships and people than business productivity.

Like I said, we need a balance. We, and others in our business, should not expend an inordinate amount of time in non-business related conversation. A business must be productive in order to earn the money needed to stay in business and pay its employees. But, at the same time, we must value employees over productivity. We should not neglect people for the sake of productivity. Perhaps, a reasonable balance is bugeting casual conversation into our work day. This way, we get the benefits of casual conversation without it taking over the day.

Who Are The Poor?

2011-11-18T17:24:00.000-08:00

Poor is a relative term. Every year, our government defines the poor according to the income they make. However, the poor in the United States would be rich in many countries. So, who exactly who are the poor? According to Walter Williams . . .

* 80% have air conditioning,

* nearly 75% have a car or truck and 31% have two vehicles,

* 67% have cable or satellite tv,

* 50% have one or more computers,

* 42% own their own homes,

* 96% said there children are never hungry due to a lack of money to buy food.

Compared to much of the world, these people are not poor. Contrast the poor in the U.S. with other countries like the Domincan Republic. Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols grew up in the Domincan Republic and never considered himself poor because he had one meal to eat a day, while others had none.

Pop Culture Invasion

2011-11-15T18:27:00.000-08:00

Pop culture can invade your home very quickly. It does not take much for a song, television show, news story, or movie to invade a home, even when you try to limit such influences. I was reminded of this when my seven year old daughter and I made a recent trip to BJs.

As a family, we do not generally listen to pop music. Most of it fails to meet the standard set forth in Phillipians 4:8, which instructs us to think about things that are true, honorable, pure, etc. So, I was shocked when, while checking out at BJs, my daughter asked, "Dad, do you hear that song?" I had heard the song, but it was one that I did not expect her to know. Katy Perry's "Firework" was playing. We do not listen to Katy Perry and I really wondered how she knew the song. "It is the song from 'Soul Surfer'" she proudly exclaimed.

I know she has seen the movie a few times and it is one of her favorite movies. However, she does not know the song from the movie. The song is not in the movie. From what I can tell, she heard part of the song one time - only one time. Our church was showing the movie. In order to promote it, they showed the trailer, which plays part of the song. She heard part of the song during a trailer that she only saw one time. Yet, when she heard the song in a store, she recognized it immediately.

This reminded me of how quickly pop culture, and its messages, can invade our homes. Fortunately, this song is rather benign and I do not care that she recognized it. But, how many other songs will she recognize and what other messages will be conveyed? What if it was one of Kay Perry's other songs?

Cardinal Fan

2011-10-23T16:10:00.001-07:00

I was born and lived the first 10 1/2 years of my life in an area that loves baseball. But the area loves two teams. When you are born in Decatur, Illinois, you have two choices; you can love the Cardinals or the Cubs. I am not really sure how people choose the team they love. If it was really a rational choice, I don't know why anyone would choose the Cubs. They haven't won a World Series in forever. Generally, they are irrelevant. Why would anyone choose the Cubs when they can be a Cardinal fan. As of today, the Cardinals have won the National League a record 18 times, have won the World Series 10 times (the most for any NL team), and are working on their 11th World Series win.

There are many towns like Decatur, where the population is divided between Cardinal and Cub fans. Buzz Bissinger, in "Three Nights in August", described the Cardinal/Cub rivalry and explained that, for many years, the Cardinals and Cubs were the two teams farthest west and they had strong radio signals. So, most people in the midwest became fans of these teams. When he listed a town as having a typical Cardinal/Cub division, he listed Decatur, Illinois.

While I don't know how people choose between the Cardinals and Cubs, I know that I am a Cardinal fan, not by choice, but by birthright, or genetics, or some similar reason. My father was (and still is) a Cardinal fan. My grandparents were Cardinal fans. So, I became a Cardinal fan. Being a good parent, I have made sure that my children are Cardinal fans, even though they live in a Philadelphia suburb. I am even teaching my foster children to root for the Cardinals.

Some of my earliest memories are going to the grandparent's house on Sunday afternoons and watching the Cardinals on t.v. Long before cable t.v. and long before every game was broadcast, Sundays were usually the only days that we could watch the Cardinals. My grandmother was a big Cardinal fan and always had the game on.

Since t.v. was rare, I have many memories of listening to the Cardinals on the radio. Jack Buck is a legendary broadcaster and I listened to him for many years. As a teenager, I lived near Philadelphia, where it was hard to follow the Cardinals (again, before cable t.v. and the internet). I remember lying in bed with a radio tuned to KMOX out of St. Louis. The signal was weak and faded in and out, but at night, if I listened closely, I could still hear Jack Buck and Mike Shannon describing the game.

The first MLB game I ever attended was a Cardinal game in St. Louis. I was nine or ten years old. We took a friend of mine and made a Sunday trip to St. Louis. I remember entering the city on an Interstate and being amazed at the number and size of large highway ramps and bridges entering the city. This was the first time I had ever been to a large city. I was in awe. Going into the stadium was amazing. It was so large. How could anyone hit a ball that far? The crowd was huge. I had never seen so many people before. It was jacket day and I loved the red plastic jacket that I was given. The Cardinals were playing the Pirates. Ted Simmons hit a home run to right-center field and the Cardinals won.

1982 was a fun year because I lived near Philadelphia and the Cardinals and Phillies were battling for the NL East title. In September, my Dad got tickets for us to go to a game. The Phillie Fanatic was making fun of the Cardinals and Lonnie Smith, in particular. Lonnie Smith, the Cardinal left fielder, used to play for the Phillies, was fast, stole a lot of bases, but had a habit of tripping over his own feet. During warm-ups, the Phanatic was running around in front of him and kept falling down. At one point, the Phanatic was running across the field and Lonnie Smith ran up behind him, dove at him, and tackled him at his ankles. The crowd booed loudly. The Phanatic actually sprained his ankle during the mishap. Steve Carlton pitched for the Phillies and they won the game. I believe this put them 1/2 a game ahead of the Cardinals for first place. If my memory is correct, Carlton became the all time leader in career strikeouts during the game. I think the Cardinals won the next two games and took first place. The Cardinals won the East that year. They played the Braves in the NLCS and won. Then, they played the Brewers and won the World Series in 7 games. I bought a World Series coffee cup that has the scores of each playoff game. I still use the cup today.

I enjoy the great history and tradition of the Cardinals. I don't remember the '60s, but in the time that I remember, the Cardinals have been in the World Series 6 times. I loved the Whitey Herzog Cardinals. It always felt like they were the underdogs because they had no power. Instead, they won games by playing to the strength of their ballpark; it was large and had fast astroturf, so the Cardinals had fast players who hit the ball in the gaps for doubles and triples and they stole a lot of bases. It was very exciting baseball. In the 1982 World Series, they had two players score on one sacrifice fly; that is a lot of speed. They won the World Series in 1982, but lost in 1985 and 1987. Then they hit a dry spell until they hired Tony LaRussa. In 16 years as manager, they have made the playoffs 9 times. They had great teams in 2004 and 2005, winning 205 regular season games, but lost the 2004 World Series and losing in the 2005 NLCS. The 2006 regular season was very disappointing. After two 100 win seasons, the 2006 Cardinals only won 83 games, but still won the division. Without high expectations, the team won the World Series for the 1oth time. Now, they are ahead 2-1 in the 2011 World Series.

I have great memories of their great players like Lou Brock, Keith Hernandez, Bob Forsch, Ted Simmons, Ozzie Smith, Willie McGee. I have grown up hearing about other great players like Stan Musial, Bob Gibson, and others. It is a great tradition to have. Now, new players are making memories for my children and me. Carpenter leading the pitching staff during the LaRussa years. Big Mac hitting many home runs (we did not know they were tainted then). Adam Wainwright, as a rookie, closing out the 2006 World Series. And, Albert Pujols hitting the ball like crazy.

I enjoy these memories and hope to have many more. In a few days, I hope to update this post by saying the Cardinals have won their 11th World Series. Now, I need to go so that I can watch game 4. When the game is over, I hope I hear the words, "That's a winner" in my head.

S'more Cupcakes

2011-10-18T17:57:00.000-07:00

With 7 children, it is easy for my kids to feel lost in the crowd. It is hard for them to feel like individuals. Even if I am trying to do something with one child, like going to a soccer game, other children are inevitably tagging along because it is difficult to leave 6 other children behind for someone else to watch.

In order to combat the feeling of being lost in a crowd, I try to make an effort to do things with an individual child. I probably should try to do more with my children on an individual basis, but that is hard. In the past few months, I went camping with Matthew, took a 23 mile bike ride with Laura, and took Aly to the Philadelphia Art Museum.

Saturday was Maddie's turn. I told her that we were going to do something special, but I did not tell her what we were doing. I said we had to go to Shop Rite. Once there, I told her we were going to make cupcakes. She was very excited. First, we started by choosing the cake batter. We chose chocolate. Is there really any other choice? I wanted to do something fancy on top, rather that the usual, plain icing. Maddie was having trouble catching my vision. She seemed happy with plain pink icing and sprinkles. I wanted more. I found some chocolate icing that had a picture of s'more cupcakes. They had chocolate icing topped with marshmallows and graham cracker. After seeing the picture, Maddie caught the vision; we were making s'more cupcakes.

Since this was her project, I tried to let her do as much as possible. She poured the powder in the bowl. She added water, oil, and three eggs. She beat them with the mixer. I poured them in the pan and put them in the oven. A little while later, they were baked, cooled, and ready for icing. We took turns putting on the icing, marshmallows, and graham cracker. Then, the best part - we ate. It seems that everyone loved them. There were eaten in no time.

Maddie felt very special and enjoyed her time with Dad. Now, I need to find time to paint her nails.

A Key to Conflict Resolution

2011-09-06T18:04:00.001-07:00

Throughout the years, I have seen, and been a part of, a great deal of conflict. As an attorney, I deal with conflict on a daily basis. While this conflict takes many forms, I deal with marital conflict more than anything. When I am involved, the conflict usually has escalated to the point that at least one of the parties’ wants a divorce. As a deacon for many years, I have dealt with a lot of church conflict.

Whenever people are around other people, there is bound to be conflict. We are all sinners. We are selfish. Everyone has different wants and desires. Most conflict is generally resolved. People resolve their differences and move on. Often, relationships are stronger because of the conflict. Unfortunately, some conflict is so severe that it is never resolved and destroys relationships. With such conflict, marriages are torn apart and churches are divided.

When such severe conflict exists, I have noticed that one party usually believes the other party has evil motives. They believe the person is “out to get them” or wants to destroy them. In a church context, they believe the other person is trying to take over the church or take away someone’s rights. Such conflict is extremely difficult to resolve because the parties do not trust each other. They assume the worst in the other person. They will not give the benefit of the doubt to the other person.

On the other hand, when people are able to resolve conflict, they usually give the benefit of the doubt to the other person. They acknowledge that there is a conflict but believe the other person has a good heart. They trust that the other person has good motives; they are just misguided at that moment.

My observations were recently confirmed. In an article on Townhall.com, Rebecca Haglin wrote that two marriage-killing habits are criticism and pessimism. She refers to a study that found “the happiest marriages reflect an overall positive attitude about the goodness of the other person and the marriage itself – even as the couple works to resolve conflicts.” (Emphasis added). Haglin continued, “[N]ewlyweds who maintained an idealized view of the other person, putting the best gloss on their attributes and behavior, were happier after three years than less idealistic couples.” (Emphasis added). According to psychologist Garth Fletcher, “Positive biases and happiness seem to push each other along.” Hagelin concludes, “[T]hose who persist in presuming the best about their spouse, and who maintain a forgiving attitude and optimism about the future relationship, actually create a better marriage for themselves.” (Emphasis added).

For a happier marriage, we should assume our spouse has a good heart. Give them the benefit of the doubt. In all conflict, presume there is good in the other person. Do not assume the other person has evil motives or is out to get you. By making this fundamental change in our thinking, we can resolve conflict and have happier marriages.

Father - Son Camping

2011-08-08T19:27:00.000-07:00

In today’s culture, it is hard to raise a godly man. Our culture confuses the genders. Boys have few role models. Dads spend little time with their young men. One of my tools for helping Matthew grow into godly man is a father/son camping trip. Each summer, the two of us go away for a weekend camping trip. We sleep in a tent. So far, every camp ground we have chosen did not have electricity. We plan meals. We engage in great adventures.

We just completed this year’s adventure. We chose to go to Tobyhanna State Park in the Poconos. Prior to leaving, I realized we would drive near Lehigh University, the training center for the Philadelphia Eagles. As a kid, I remember going to West Chester University and watching Dick Vermeil’s Eagles practice. I knew Matthew would “flip out” at the chance to go. A week before the trip, I asked if he wanted to go to practice. He answered with a resounding “YES!!!” While practice begins at 8:05 a.m., the gates open at 7:00 a.m. Not liking crowds, I wanted to get there at 7:00 a.m. We got out of bed at 4:30 a.m. and were on the road at 5:00 a.m. We made the obligatory Wawa stop for ice (for the cooler), tea, and newspaper. While in our Eagles gear at Wawa at 5:15 a.m., a man asked, “Are you going to Lehigh?” With a large smile, Matthew answered, “Yeah!” although he was trying to figure out how the man knew we were going to training camp.

We arrived a little before 7:00 a.m. and waited in line. Upon entering the practice area, we saw a Playzone for kids. Matthew was the only one there for a long time. He ran through an inflatable football field with inflatable football players. He leaped over obstacles and scored imaginary touchdowns. He climbed a large inflatable slide and slid down. He threw passes to cut-outs of DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Macklin. After several tries, he completed a touchdown to each. He kicked last second field goals to win games. He had a blast.

As players walked onto the field, we stood by a fence. Vick and the other quarterbacks worked out a few yards from us. We watched the offensive linemen work out. We heard the new defensive line coach yelling from 60 yards away. We watched the defensive backs, including DRC and Asomugha, go through drills. Minutes later, real practice began when the defensive and offense lined up opposite of each other and went at it. Asomugha, in his first practice, picked off a pass. The crowd roared as Vick scrambled for a huge gain. The new kicker looked good. The new punter, not so good. Practice ended and we moved on towards Tobyhanna.

In addition to camping, I was interested in doing something adventurous. We saw a billboard for a zip line and decided to give it a try. We arrived at Camelback for their 1,000 foot zip line. After getting our harnesses, we climbed the hill to the top of the zip line. They hooked our lines up. We peered over the edge. We held our breaths and jumped. Side by side, we zoomed down the line. After getting disconnected, we climbed the hill again for a second ride. While standing on the deck, my wife called to see if we were safe. I responded, “Right now we are, but I will have to let you know in a few minutes; we are about to jump off of a cliff.” She wasn’t expecting that answer. Again, we held our breaths and jumped. It seemed like we went even faster this time. In Matthew’s words, it was “awesome”.

Finally, we made it to camp and set up our tent and campsite. Prior to dinner, we went for a 5 mile bike ride around the lake. We grilled some BBQ ribs for dinner. Matthew ate an entire rack by himself. For Matthew, the hit of the afternoon was playing with the new machete. Matthew started the fire, with a little help from me. We made banana boats by splitting a banana in half, filling it with marshmallow, nuts, and chocolate chips; pushing the peal back together; wrapping them in foil; and cooking them in coals. DELICIOUS. We concluded dessert by making s’mores. We finished the evening by lying in our sleeping backs and watching a DVD about the Cardinals winning the 2006 World Series.

The next morning, we ate bacon, eggs, and hash browns. Then, we attacked the day’s highlight, our adventure bike hike. We took our bikes and rode out of the campground onto trails in the woods. Riding over upraised tree roots and large rocks, our bikes got knocked all over the trail. At times, the numerous rocks and steep climbs made it impossible to ride, so we walked until we could ride again. We crossed a rickety bridge. We road through narrow paths between thorn bushes, scraping our hands and arms on the thorns. Then, we passed under some power lines. But, that was a problem. We were not supposed to pass under any power lines. We pulled out our map and discovered we made a wrong turn. Miles out of our way, we regained hope when we realized we could follow the power lines northwest toward a road that would take us to our destination. Under the power lines was a nice gravel path with wild flowers growing. It made for a nice ride. We followed the power lines up and down hills enjoying this unexpected adventure. Then, the power lines turned left and the gravel path disappeared. Only a narrow rock filled bath remained. It was similar to the trails we followed in the woods, so we persevered. We climbed and followed the narrow path for a while. Then, the path disappeared as huge bogs of mud appeared. With very little room, we shuffled our feet on less muddy, but brush covered ground while we kept our balance by pushing our bikes through the mud. The mud almost appeared to be like quicksand. In one of the bogs, the front wheel of Matthew’s bike began to disappear as it sank into the bog. We quickly pulled the bike out and continued, undaunted. Finally, we cleared the bogs and the gravel path re-appeared. We were on our way again, flying over the hills as we peddled under the power lines. We reached the top of a hill and could see the road at the bottom of the hill. We flew down the hill anticipating the road we were chasing. Without warning, the path ended about 200 yards from the road. A swamp blocked our path. Disappointed but undeterred, we turned right to cut through some woods were no one has gone before. We pushed through uncleared woods as we circled around the swamp. We climbed one last hill and found the road. As we mounted our bikes for a ride to our destination for lunch, I saw my front inner tube bulging out of a hole in my front tire. Not knowing how long we could ride, we pressed on. About half a mile later, “pop”, my tire blew. Now, we were back on foot, miles from camp. We walked a mile when I flagged down a pick-up truck. The driver was a nice guy who put our bikes in the bed and drove us to our camp site.

As we arrived at camp, it started raining. This was not a surprise as the forecast said there was a possibility of scattered, passing thunderstorms. We ate lunch and waited for the rain to pass. We finished our lunch and waited for the rain to pass. We called home and waited for the rain to pass. We went to Wal-Mart for more camping gear while we waited for the rain to pass. We returned to camp and waited for the rain to pass. Tired of being wet, we went to Pizza Hut, where we saw 20 other campers, and waited for the rain to pass. We returned to camp and waited for the rain to pass. Trying to find some good in this wet situation, we decided to pop some popcorn, get in the car, sit in the reclining leather seats and watch Spiderman 2 while the sound pulsated through the Bose sound system. After two hours, the movie ended, but the rain didn’t. We went to bed very damp. In the middle of the night, after 13 straight hours, the rain finally stopped. Too wet to do anything, we cleaned up camp and left for home, stopping at Perkins for breakfast.

We made many memories. We spent a lot of time together. More importantly, we had many conversations about becoming a godly man, handling issues facing a young boy, standing up to peer pressure and doing right regardless of what others are doing. I look forward to more time with my son. More importantly, I look forward to helping my boy becoming a godly man.

Lesson’s From Camping’s Judgment Day

2011-05-22T17:40:00.001-07:00

By now, everyone knows that Harold Camping was wrong and the world did not end on May 21, 2011. Many had a good laugh. I saw Facebook posts about people being in heaven and heard people talking about leaving clothes out so it appeared they were raptured. While there is nothing wrong with having a little fun, I think we can learn some lessons from this event.

Primarily, I think most people, including Christians who believe Christ will return, did not really want the rapture to occur on May 21^st. I heard people say, "I am glad we are all still here." Most are glad it did not occur because no one wanted Camping to be right and believed that Christ would not return on the predicted date because "No one knows." Matthew 24:36.

But, it goes much deeper. Most of us, me included, enjoy our life on earth and did not really want the rapture to take place. We claim the rapture could take place at any time (except on May 21, 2011, because Camping said so), but, inwardly, we really are not looking forward to it. Even with the ups and downs of life, most of us still like our lives. We really are not looking forward to going to heaven.

Paul's view of life stands in contrast to ours. In Philippians 1:21-23, Paul says, "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. . . . My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better." Paul knows that the next life is "far better". He desires to be in heaven and with Christ. Just think about it. If Christ raptures us, we will immediately be with Him. We will be with Christ. What an incredible moment. Mercy Me, in their song "I Can Only Imagine", captures some of the awesome anticipation of being with Christ. The best of this life pales in comparison to being with Christ. When we consider our life on earth with being in the presence of Christ, the preference is simple; we should all choose the presence of Christ. But, deep down inside, we don't get that excited because we enjoy our life too much. I think we need to reassess our perspective and have a greater anticipation of Christ's return.

In addition, we need to truly anticipate Christ's imminent return. Let me ask you a question, "If you truly believed that Camping was right and the world was ending on May 21, 2011, what would you have done on May 20^th?" I heard that some of Camping's followers enjoyed what they thought were life's final moments; they bought cars they could not afford or took final, extravagant vacations. However, most of Camping's ardent followers made every effort to help people get right with God. Some spent their life savings on advertisements; others even sold their homes to raise money for the effort. These followers made incredible sacrifices because they believe the world was ending. If you truly believe Christ could return at any moment, what are you doing? Are your efforts to save people commensurate with a belief that Christ really could come at any minute? Probably not. Paul, in that same passage, wrote, "If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me." (Philippians 1:22). Is your life in the flesh fruitful? On one hand, we need to be prudent and make future plans on earth in case Christ does not return tomorrow. On the other hand, if we truly believe Christ could return at any moment, we probably need to make more of an effort to bring people to Christ.

Unfortunately, the Camping fiasco damaged the reputation of Christ around the world. To many, Camping and the Bible are a joke. How do you explain the Bible's plan for salvation when Camping claimed the same Bible said the world would end on May 21^st? For many, the Bible lost all credibility. Let's overcome some of the negative by learning some lessons from this fiasco. Let's look forward to Christ's return and try to take some people with us.

Lessons Learned From Boston Rob

2011-05-19T17:31:00.001-07:00

Boston Rob, on his 4^th attempt, won Survivor. In order to win, he played, according to Jeff Probst, a nearly perfect game. He created and maintained the strongest alliance ever seen on Survivor. Julie, a contestant that was not in his alliance, was amazed at the control he had of his alliance. According to her, his alliance would not even talk to other contestants. They would continually checked in with Rob and told him everything that was happening. Even Rob remarked that no one should have this much power. Jeff Probst called his alliance "almost cult-like".

The obvious question during the reunion show was, "How did you do it?" As the show progressed, keys to his strategy were revealed. In simple terms, he developed great relationships. To begin with, Rob knew that, as a returning player, he would be a target for early elimination. He felt that if he could build some relationships and show people that he could help them, such as building shelter, then he had a chance to stick around. The key was building the relationships. Andrea, a member of his alliance, said that he built individual relationships with each of them, he had a different relationship with each person, and he spent time with her for no reason.

Another member of the alliance, Philip, was one of the strangest contestants to ever be on the show. He was very difficult to get along with and nearly every person could not wait to vote him out. However, Rob befriended Philip, kept him around, voted out other people, and eventually used Philip to win $1 million. Jeff asked Rob what he saw in Philip. Rob said that Philip is a lovable guy; you just have to listen to him and his story. According to Rob, Philip is one of twelve children, so he has spent his whole life trying to get attention. You need to imagine his story and understand where he is coming from. Rob summarized his strategy with Philip by explaining that if he just showed Philip love, Philip will be loyal.

These lessons should be applied to everyday life. We need to show love and develop relationships with people. Do we treat each person special, like we really care about them? Do we spend time with them? You cannot develop relationships without spending time together. We should serve people and help them. We need to choose to love even unlovable people. We need to understand their story and show them love.

While I wish Boston Rob would get rid of his Red Sox hat, he is a likeable guy who saw the importance of relationships, won Survivor, and taught us some life lessons in the process.

John Maxwell’s Five Levels of Leadership

2011-05-17T17:46:00.001-07:00

On May 6, 2011, I had the privilege of attending the Chick-Fil-A Leadercast, which is an annual event where some of the world's best writers and speakers present a daylong seminar on leadership. The event is presented live in Atlanta and is carried throughout the world via webcast. I attended the event through the Kingdom Chamber of Commerce at Burlington County College.

The first speaker, John Maxwell spoke on the five levels of leadership, which is the subject of his next book. Initially, he taught that leadership is influence. Ultimately, a leader influences people. In the past, I have heard him say that if you think you are a leader and no is following you, then you are just on a walk.

According to Maxwell, the first level, and the lowest level, of leadership is the "Position Level". At this level, people follow because a person holds a title. This does not make the person a good leader. Instead, people follow because of obligation or authority. Under this type of leadership, the followers generally give the least amount of effort. They do not necessarily believe in the leader or the leadership, so they are not motivated to give their best. They tend to do the bare minimum.

"Permission" is the second level. At this level, people want to follow and generally like the leader. Relationships are the key to this level. Such leaders listen to their followers, observe their followers, learn from their followers, and have an attitude of service. Because people have given the leader permission to lead, they give more effort in their work.

"Production" is the third level. At this level, the leader is able to produce significantly more than at prior levels. The key is results. This leader produces more because he is a producer and better workers are attracted to, and want to produce more for, this leader. Followers see this leader producing, so they imitate him and produce more. At this point, momentum is created, which gets people excited and they do more. This momentum and excite can even salve problems that cannot be solved at lower levels. In explaining the importance of leadership, Maxwell explained that a train parked with a brick under its wheel will not be able to move past the brick. However, that same train, moving full speed, can crash through a brick wall.

"People Development" is the fourth level. This leader grows his organization by growing his people. He makes his people better. Then he puts his "better" people in positions where they are most effective. The steps for this level are (a) recruiting well, (b) positioning well, (c) equipping well, (d) the people produce, and (e) the people build other people (multiplication). Simply, you need to get the best people, put them in the right position, and equip them. Then they will do the work and multiply. This level is similar to some of the concepts taught by Jim Collins in Good To Great, where he talks about getting the right people on the bus and putting them in the right seat. Essentially, better people create a better organization.

"Pinnacle" is the fifth, and final, level. At this point, follow out of respect. The leader leads so well, for so long, that people want to follow the leader. This level takes years to obtain. I saw it as almost a legacy or a life-time achievement.

In evaluating your leadership level, Maxwell explained that you can be at different levels with different people. Someone may follow you because of your position or title; another person may give permission, while another follows as a result of people development.

It is good to hear these leadership principles and apply them to my work, family, and church. I need to remember that relationships are important and I need to help develop the people around me. I will be successful, as a business man, husband, father, and Christian, when the people around me become better.

Initial Thoughts on Don't Call It a Comeback by Kevin DeYoung

2011-05-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

I just started reading Don’t Call It a Comeback: The Old Faith For A New Day edited by Kevin DeYoung. Having read one previous book by DeYoung, Why We Are Not Emergent by Two Guys Who Should Be and enjoying it, I am interested in reading another book by him. Regarding the subject, it seems that many young adults are very attracted to the “emergent church” with, what I believe is, long-standing liberal teaching led by teachers such as Rob Bell and Brian McClaren. The praise for Rob Bell’s Love Wins solidifies my concerns over “emergent teaching”. On the other hand, I have heard many young adults are attracted to a conservative, fundamental faith with substantive biblical teaching. From what I hear, it seems that many young adults are attracted to the teachings of people like Mark Driscoll, John Piper, and teaching from Sovereign Grace churches. The thousands who attend “Passions Conferences” are attracted to substantive teaching. From my personal experience of teaching young adults, I found that many are simply not interested in substantive biblical teaching, but others hunger for God’s truth, study diligently, and want to apply biblical teaching to their lives. In light of this division amount young adults, I am interested in read DeYoung’s view.

In the Introduction, DeYoung explains that he grew up in church but, as a freshman in college, discovered he could not articulate “what I believe and why I believe it” and did not have a good grasp of some of the most foundational doctrines in Christian faith. He wishes he had been challenged more as a teenager. Based upon his background, he has two goals for this book. First, to introduce young and underdiscipled Christians to the most important articles of faith and what it looks like to live out this faith in real life. Second, to reassert the theological nature of evangelicalism. The book is divided into three sections. Part one is a brief, and I emphasize brief, history of evangelicalism. Part two is a survey of theology. Part three is applying theology to life by looking at specific issues such as social justice, homosexuality, abortion, gender confusion, the local church, worship, and missions.

The first chapter, written by DeYoung, is entitled “The Secret to Reaching the Next Generation”. Since I spent years teaching young adults, I was very interested in how to reach young adults. Also, I am interested in how to reach my children as they become young adults. According to DeYoung, many churches try to reach young adults by keeping up with the latest trends such as music, fashion, using their language, watching the right television shows, and looking like them. However, he believes this is not how to reach young adults; rather, he stresses five keys, which are (1) grabbing them with passion, (2) winning them with love, (3) holding them with holiness, (4) challenging them with truth, and (5) amazing them with God. He explains his meaning of these in the rest of the chapter.

I agree with his assessment and like it because it stresses substance rather than superficial feelings and passing trends. Regarding passion, young adults want to believe that something is real. If it is real, then a person will have passion about it. The reason that many people are not attracted to Christ is because many Christians are just going through the motions, have no convictions, live apathetically, and have no passion. Specifically, young adults see no passion in their parents, so they reject a superficial faith held by their parents. If we really believe in Christ, then we should be passionate about Him. As stated before, DeYoung emphasizes substance, which is seen when he stresses holiness and truth. He wants young adults to know substantive biblical truth, which leads to living holy lives. This is a high standard and very challenging. Finally, he talks about being amazed by God. I think this is somewhat related to passion. If we are amazed by God, then we will be passionate. I also think this results in worship. When we see God for who He is, then our natural reaction should be amazement. Just read the first few verses of Isaiah 6 or Revelation 4; you have to be amazed and just say “Wow! He is AWESOME!” Warren Wiersbe, in Real Worship, explains that when people truly worship God, then they start living godly lives. Godly lives are a natural result of people who know God and realize how great He is.

I find these five keys to be personally challenging. I need to have passion in my life; passion that demonstrates the true substance of my faith. I need to love people. No one will care what I believe if I do not show love to them. When people see my love, then I earn a license to tell them about Christ. I need to live holy. I need to be continually learning God’s truth. I need to be truly worshiping God. Then, I need to pass these along to my wife, children, and people I minister to in my life.

At one point, DeYoung talks about teens leaving the church. He refers to a youth leader who explained that attendance at youth events (including Sunday School and discipleship groups) is not a good predictor of which teens would, and would not, grow toward Christian adulthood. Instead, “almost without exception, those young people who are growing in their faith as adults were teenagers who fit into one of two categories: either (1) they came from families where Christian growth was modeled in at least one of their parents, or (2) they had developed such significant connections with adults in the church that it had become an extended family for them.” Similarly, he refers to a Christian sociologist who says, “a lot of research in the sociology of religion suggests that the most important social influence in shaping young people’s religious lives is the religious life modeled and taught to them by their parents.” This should challenge every parent so that we can see our children grow up to be adults who passionately love and serve God.

A Response to Injustice

2011-04-18T18:42:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was in court with a client who had charges pending against him. He denied the allegations and I believe him. Unfortunately, the Judge ruled against him. While the Judge’s reasoning was flawed, the verdict remained. When we left the courtroom and I could speak to my client, his first reaction was to criticize the judge, dissect the Judges’ errors, and wonder how she could reach that conclusion. Immediately, I stopped him and asked, “What is God teaching you?”

For over a year, God had been sending my client a clear message regarding some choices he was making in his life. Unfortunately, even though he knew what God wanted, he kept giving in to the pull of temptation. As I heard the verdict, I knew God was sending him another message; a very firm message that God wanted him to obey. I was, and am, fully convinced that God is using this unjust verdict to teach a lesson.

In Habakkuk, the prophet wonders why God is not doing something about the sin in Judah. In Habakkuk 1:5-11, God says that He is sending the Chaldeans to bring judgment. A confused Habakkuk cannot understand how God could use such a wicked people. How can He “remain silent when the wicked swallows up the man more righteous than he?” (1:13). Judah might be bad, but the Chaldeans are worse. They even worship false gods. How can God allow these wicked people to bring judgment on God’s chosen people? First, God responded by saying, “wait.” God has an appointed time, “if it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” (2:3). Second, the “righteous shall live by his faith.” (2:4). Despite sin and injustice around us, the righteous will live by faith. Third, God will judge the Chaldeans. In 2:6, he pronounces “Woe” on the Chaldeans and “all the remnant of the peoples shall plunder you . . . Woe to him who gets evil gain for his house.” (2:8-9). Finally, God is sovereign. “The Lord is in his holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before him.” (2:20). Nothing happens, even wicked, godless people bring judgment on God’s chosen people, unless God allows it to happen.

My client needed to understand that God was using this injustice to bring about His Will. I believe that if my client had obeyed God months earlier, then things would have been different. Perhaps my client would never have been accused, or the verdict would have been different. Regardless, my client did not obey God, so God is using this verdict to further teach him and sanctify him. Like in Habakkuk, God is using an injustice to bring about His Will. God is sovereign. The Judge handed down this decision only because God allowed her to make this decision. God directed this decision so that my client would be sanctified.

In our lives, we often see injustice win. We need to remember that God is sovereign, He uses injustice to teach us and to sanctify us, He will judge the ungodly, and the righteous live by faith.

As an aside, situations like this illustrate why I like being a Christian attorney who focuses on the legal needs of Christians. My client is a Christian. He needs help hearing God’s message and encouragement to obey. I am there to help him. Similarly, this illustrates why Christians should have a good Christian for an attorney. Who else will ask, “What is God teaching you?” For his sake, it is good that he has an attorney who will speak God’s truth.

I Read "Love Wins" by Rob Bell

2011-04-07T17:36:00.001-07:00

Rather than just read what others have said about Rob Bell’s new book “Love Wins”, I wanted to read it for myself so I would know exactly what he wrote. As I read, I was amazed at the amount of false teaching in it. His conclusions are wrong. His uses of biblical texts are incorrect; they are usually taken out of context and he fails to understand the passages. In many cases, he simply makes stuff up so that he can support his conclusion. It would take a great deal of time to review everything that is wrong with the book. Since I do not have that much time, I will provide some thoughts.

First, he is very critical of traditional biblical doctrine, which teaches a person, in order to spend eternity in heaven rather than a literal hell, must believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God who died on the cross in order to take the punishment for that person’s sin and rose from the dead. In the introduction, Bell writes, “a staggering number of people have been taught that a select few Christians will spend forever in a peaceful, joyous place called heaven, while the rest of humanity spends forever in torment and punishment in hell with no chance for anything better. It’s been clearly communicated to many that this belief is a central truth of the Christian faith and to reject it is, in essence, to reject Jesus. This is misguided and toxic and ultimately subverts the contagious spread of Jesus’s message of love, peace, forgiveness, and joy that our world desperately needs to hear.” page vii. Not only is he critical, but he calls such a belief “toxic”. Personally, I find such language offensive. Bell’s proponents often complain that his critics are mean spirited, but his own words are very offensive to someone who truly believes the Bible.

Second, he criticizes many traditional churches for their unwillingness to discuss a person’s questions and doubts. He states, “Some communities don’t permit open, honest inquiry about the things that matter most. Lots of people have voiced a concern, expressed a doubt, or raised a question, only to be told by their family, church, friends, or tribe: ‘We don’t discuss those things here.” page ix. While this may be true of some churches, I believe that most churches with traditional, evangelical beliefs are willing to discuss legitimate questions, even if they are tough questions. Even if there is an unwillingness to discuss questions and doubts exists, the way to correct such unwillingness is not to create a new, false doctrine, like Bell does in “Love Wins”.

Third, while Bell is critical of those who will not discuss issues, he discourages anyone from disagreeing with him. At one point, he says that the story of “everybody enjoying God’s good world together with no disgrace or shame, justice being served and all the wrongs being made right is a better story. It is bigger, more loving, more expansive, more extraordinary, beautiful, and inspiring than any other story about the ultimate course history makes.” Pages 110-111. By saying this, he claims his views are superior to all other views. So, any disagreement is wrong – end of discussion; there is no room for disagreement.

He continues, “To shun, censor, or ostracize someone for holding [his belief] is to fail to extend grace to each other in a discussion that has had plenty of room for varied perspectives for hundreds of years now.” Page 111. Now, if you are critical and call him a false teacher, then you are wrong for not showing grace. He is unwilling to allow room for disagreement or criticism even though he criticizes tradition churches for not allowing disagreement or criticism. Regarding grace, it does not mean that we fail to confront false teaching. In fact, allowing false teaching shows a lack of grace and a lack of love because false teaching leads people away from God.

Fourth, Bell’s teaching is wrong. Most of the time, it is difficult to know exactly what Bell believes or what he is teaching. On page 107, he gives a summary of his teaching, “At the heart of this perspective is the belief that, given enough time, everybody will turn to God and find themselves in the joy and peace of God’s presence. The love of God will melt every hard heart, and even the most ‘depraved sinners’ will eventually give up their resistance and turn to God.” Bell’s teaching is contrary to the Bible. John 3:18 says, “Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.” Some people will not believe in God and will be condemned. If everyone were going to eventually “turn to God”, then no one would be condemned. Matthew 7:13-14 makes it clear that many people will end in destruction, “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” This is different from Bell’s way to God, which is so wide that no one can miss it.

Fifth, Bell seems to be encouraging God and Christians to be deceitful. Even though he does not believe a literal hell exists, he thinks that we should continue to use the word “hell” because it is such a terrible word conjuring up such horrible consequences, so that people will turn to God. He writes, “To summarize, then, we need a loaded, volatile, adequately violent, dramatic, serious word to describe the very real consequences we experience when we reject the good and true and beautiful life that God has for us. We need a word that refers to the big, wide, terrible evil that comes from the secrets hidden deep within our hearts all the way to the massive, society-wide collapse and chaos that comes when we fail to live in God’s world god’s way. And for that, the word ‘hell’ works quite well. Let’s keep it.” Page 93. I find it interesting that he believes we should continue to use the word “hell” when he does not believe a literal hell exists. This sounds very pragmatic and deceitful to me.

Sixth, while Bell emphasizes God’s love, he ignores other attributes of God, such as His justice and role as judge. Part of Bell’s argument is that the Bible says God is love; it does not just say that God is loving, but says that God is love. Therefore, love is an essential element of God’s character, so love must “win” over his other attributes. While making this argument, Bell ignores passages stating that God has other attributes, even passages that say “God is . . . “. For example, Nahum 1:2 says, “The Lord is a jealous and avenging God; the Lord is avenging and wrathful.” Here, God is avenging and wrathful, just as he is love in 1 John. Deuteronomy 32:4 says, “A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is he.” Accordingly, God is just and upright. Psalm 7:11 says, “God is a righteous judge.” Most interestingly, only one attribute is used three times in a row. In Isaiah 6:3 God is described as “holy, holy, holy”. This attribute is mentioned three times in a row. Again, in Revelation 4:8, God is described as “holy, holy, holy”. While God is love, the Bible never says God is love, love, love. Since God is holy, just, and judge, he will condemn unbelieving sinners to an eternal punishment in hell. We cannot pick and choose which attributes of God that we like and dismiss those that we do not like.

Finally (while I could go on, I do not have time to write all of my thoughts), I think Bell created his own theology because he does not like the theology taught in the Bible. As stated earlier, he simply does not like traditional, orthodox faith. He even calls such belief “toxic”. He does not like the fact that sinners who do not place their faith in Jesus Christ will spend eternity in a literal hell, so he dismisses it. He replaces such teaching with a story that he likes better, which he calls “Love Wins”. He did not discover that the Bible teaches everyone will eventually end up in heaven and that a literal hell does not exist. Instead, he simply created this theology because he does not like biblical theology. He decided to create a “politically correct” theology. In reality, biblical truth is truth regardless of whether it is “politically correct”, whether it is a “better story”, or whether we like it. Bell’s “better”, “politically correct” story is false teaching.

The Smile

2011-03-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

When I come home from work, a little two year old boy runs to the door and with a huge smile yells, "Daddy!!!" when I walk through the door. He has a square face and his smile stretches across it. I love seeing the smile and hearing him yell, "Daddy!!!"

His smile and yell of "Daddy!!!" mean a lot to me because I am not his natural father. His natural father wants nothing to do with him. He is my foster child. Before living with me, he lived with his single mother. His father is not involved with him in any way. I don't even think he knows who is father is. While not having a father is bad enough, his mother didn't take care of him either. So, the state removed him, his older brother and younger sister, from her. He and his sister now live with me. The little boy needs a Dad and I am glad that I can be his Dad. It is great when he yells "Daddy!!!" and gives me a big smile.

I hope I will continue to see the smile and hear the "Daddy!!!" Naturally, his mother wants her children back. At this point, a judge will decide whether the children will ever return to their mother. If they don't return to their mother, then they will probably stay with me and, perhaps, even be adopted by us. If he returns to his mother, I fear for him. While I fear that she will not take care of him, I am certain that she will not be able to provide the role of a father that he needs. The future of a boy who grows up without a father and with a single mother who does not know how to care for her children is not bright. Beyond his future on earth, I don't know if he will ever know and accept the love of Jesus as his Savior. If he stays with me, I know he will be exposed to the love of God and he will know of his need for a Savior. But, these things are out of my control. Tomorrow, I look forward to seeing his smile again.

Thoughts on Rob Bell's book Love Wins

2011-03-21T18:15:00.000-07:00

Rob Bell has ignited controversy among Christians with his new book, Love Wins. Bell has been very influential in the spiritual lives of many people, especially twentysomethings. He is the pastor of a church with an attendance of over 10,000 and is considered one of the most influential pastors in America. While popular and influential, he is controversial and many are leery of his teachings. I believe he has been difficult to criticize because he asks a lot of questions, does not typically give a lot of answers, and has not clearly set forth his beliefs. His newest book, Love Wins, clearly defines enough of his beliefs that many conservative evangelicals determined that his beliefs are wrong, are a re-formulated version of liberal theology, and are heterodox (go ahead a look it up, I had to).
I quickly read through the first half of his book and read a few reviews (I was going to read the second half tonight, but the book is so popular that my local bookstore is sold out). For those unfamiliar with the controversy, Bell claims that God’s love will win everyone over to Him. Even if a person fails to accept Christ during his life on earth, the person will accept Christ in another life. He believes no one will spend eternity in a literal hell.
While many have reviewed the book and given their opinions, I will share a few of my thoughts, which will probably be spread over a few blogs.
First, Bell, in his book and some television interviews, explains that his views are not new but have been taught for over 2,000 years. By making this claim, he tries to give credibility and authority to his beliefs. While I not an expert on church history, I believe that others have taught these same views for 2,000 years. However, that does not mean his beliefs are true. Rather, it simply means that these false teachings have been in existence for 2,000 years. The fact that others have taught the same thing does not mean that it is true. In fact, we know that false teaching existed 2,000 years ago. Paul, in his epistles, was constantly attacking false teaching and encouraging people to guard the truth. In my view, Bell has just joined a 2,000 year line of false teachers.
Second, I think Bell refuses to believe that a loving God could send people to a place of eternal fire and pain. So, he has re-imagined God, the Bible and the gospel. Since hell is too cruel of a fate for anyone, Bell created his own doctrine in which no one suffers eternally and God accepts everyone into heaven. His doctrine certainly does not come from the Bible, but is his own creation.
Third, I am amazed at the relevancy of 1 Timothy 1:3-7. Independent of the Bell controversy, my Bible study led me to these verses. In these verses, Paul tells Timothy to charge people not to teach a “different doctrine”. In explaining the different doctrine, he refers to “myths and endless genealogies”. One commentator says false teachers were using the Old Testament Law and genealogies to make up all kinds of new doctrines that lead people astray. Bell is doing the same; he is making up his own doctrine, which leads people astray.
While I have not read everything that Bell has written, I have always been frustrated with him because he asks a lot of questions but rarely, if ever, gives definitive answers. I think his questions, without answers, lead people astray. Interestingly, Paul, in verse 4 says that the “different doctrine” leads to speculations. The false teachers raised questions, but provided no answers. These questions had no spiritual value, but led people into arguments. Rather than provide clarity, false teaching leads to confusion and obscures God’s truth. The Bible Knowledge Commentary points out that God’s plan is not implemented by human imaginations, but by faith. Wow, what an accurate depiction of Rob Bell – speculations, questions but no answers, confusion, and replacing faith with human imagination.
Bell’s supporters denounce his critics by claiming the critics hate him. In reality, love should motivate people to criticize Bell’s teaching. In verse 5, Paul explains that love motivates him. Rather than hate Bell, love causes people to signal warnings against Bell’s errant teaching. How can it be loving to support Bell’s teaching when it is wrong and leads people to hell? Instead, love demands a warning against his false teaching and challenges people to read and study the Bible so they can discover the truth. No one gets a second chance, for “it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment” (Hebrews 9:27).

A Day With My Wife's Schedule

2011-03-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

I believe that men are fairly simple creatures and women are very complex. This belief was very evident today as I tried to keep part of my wife's schedule. On a normal day, I leave the house as the children are getting up. I get to the office early while it is quiet and I get some work done. I have to make sure that projects are done on time, that I remember appointments with clients, I attend business development meetings, and I appear in court when necessary. At times, my schedule may seem complex, but, in reality, I just have to take care of myself. Occasionally, I will help Sandy with the kids, but, generally, I only have to care for myself.

Today, I had to take care of my wife's schedule. She had to take our foster baby for surgery. I had to leave the house at 8:00 a.m. We left on time and things were going well. I got Laura to school on time for her class. We then arrived at my in-laws house where we were to spend about an hour. During that hour, my 2 year old foster son needed a diaper change. My mother-in-law changed him so that I could get some work done. After she took off his stinky diaper, we discovered that we left the diaper bag at home. So, I had to make a quick trip to CVS to get diapers. Shortly after finishing the longest diaper change ever, I had to leave the house to pick up Laura at school and drop Aly off at school. Then, we returned to my in-laws for about an hour and a half. At 10:45, I had to pack the kids back up and pick up Aly at school. Then, we had to go to the orthodontist for 11:15 appointments. Because the appointments were supposed to be short and my foster son can be difficult, I kept him, my 6 year old daughter, and 10 year old son in the van. Unfortunately, these short appointments ended up being an hour long. This was a long hour. Eventually, we returned home where I left the kids with my wife and I went to the office for sane schedule.

This is a fairly typical day for my wife. In comparison to her schedule, my schedule is fairly simple. I really do not know how she is able to care for 6 kids, with 2 in diapers. She is an extraordinary woman. She is capable of handling a complex schedule; whereas, I am too simple to successful handle such a schedule. I am truly blessed to have her as my wife. After living one morning in her shoes, I know that I am not capable of keeping her schedule.

Lasting Marriage

2011-03-14T04:24:00.000-07:00

Having been married for over 20 years, I am more convinced than ever that commitment, no matter the circumstances, is the key to a lasting marriage. Prior to, and after, the marriage, the couple are madly in love with each other. The man knows all about his wife, likes most everything about her, cannot imagine living without her, and loves her. Likewise, the woman knows all about her husband, likes everything about him, cannot imagine living without him and loves him. They are in love, happily married, and expect (or at least hope) to stay married to each other forever.

But, something unexpected happens over the years – changes. Over the years, the man changes. The woman also changes. It is impossible for the two people to remain the same as the years pass. In my case, I completed law school, got a job, changed jobs, started my own law office working out of my house, and started a partnership with new offices out of the house. As a family, we have given birth to 4 children and have seen them grow to the point where they are 17, 13, 10, and 6. We have gone through the tragedy of losing children before they were born. We have rented apartments, lived with parents, and bought two houses. We have changed churches once. My wife went from being a school teacher, to being a stay-at-home-mom to a home school-mom who still takes her kids for some classes at a Christian school. We have become foster parents to 2 young children. After 20 years of marriage, we are not the same people. We have changed.

If I was only in love with the person that I married 20 years ago, I would have a problem – that person does not exist. Likewise, if my wife was only in love with the person that she married 20 years ago, she would have a problem – I am not that same person. What keeps us together? Simply, it is commitment and a decision to keep loving the other person. It does not matter how either of us has changed, we choose to love each other. Our circumstances do not matter, we choose to love each other. We are committed to each other.

As I said, people change. Our circumstances also change. Through all the changes, a married couple should choose to stay committed, stay in love, and stay married. I found an interesting study conducted by the University of Chicago. The study examined married couples who described themselves as “very unhappy”. After five years of remaining married, 77% of those “very unhappy” couples described themselves as “very happy” or “quite happy.” On the other hand, those “unhappy couples” that chose divorce remained unhappy even 5 years after the divorce.

The message is simple, couples should choose to remain in love and be committed to each other no matter what. We all change, but that is no reason for a divorce. Even bad circumstances are usually temporary and change. Stay committed during the hard times, things will probably change for the better; you just need to outlast the bad circumstances.

NOTE – Do not think that this writing means that I am not happy and am merely staying married because I am committed. I am madly in love with my wife. She is the most wonderful person in the world. While this is true, she is not the same person that I married. I love her anyway. In fact, I love her more today than ever before. Twenty years of marriage has taught me how to love. While I am much better at loving my wife today than I was 20 years ago, I expect to continue to grow and love her more, and better, as the years pass.

FINAL NOTE – I did not write the Note because my wife would read the blog. I wrote it because it is true and because my wife will read the blog.

Cutting the Cable Update

2011-02-27T16:41:00.000-08:00

Readers of my blog know that I recently decided to save money by no longer subscribing to cable tv. I cut the cable about 3 weeks ago, so I thought I would share my experience.

I really have not missed cable tv. If I had cut the cable years ago, I probably would have missed it, but with so many shows on the internet, I have not missed a single show that I wanted to watch. Every show that my wife and I watch is on cbs.com or hulu.com. When we had cable, we usually recorded shows on the DVR and watched them later, after the kids were in bed. Now, we basically do the same thing. The only difference is that, instead of using the remote control for the DVR, I have to plug my laptop into the tv/monitor, find the show on the internet, and click play. If I needed to control something, I initially missed the remote. After a few days, I discovered that my USB wireless mouse will actually work from the couch while the laptop is on the table by the tv. The wireless mouse makes a great remote. The bottom line, I have not missed any shows that I like to watch and the inconvenience is minimal. To me, cable is not worth the money.

After cutting the cable, the next step was getting and installing an antenna. This was a bit more difficult. I found a reasonably priced antenna at "channelmaster.com" While I wanted to install t in my attic rather than the roof, my initial attempt was a failure. The pictures kept stopping; it was not acceptable. Having no time to fix it, I left it for later. I wanted to watch the Daytona 500. So, I worked on it before the race started (not really a good time when the race about to start). I moved the antenna around in the attic, but nothing worked. The race is now starting and I still cannot watch it; I am in a panic. I may have to mount he antenna on the roof, but I want to make sure it works before I go to the effort. So, I get the antenna outside and lay it on the roof. Still bad reception. As I am checking the antenna, the race appears to be more of a slide show (a series of still pictures) rather than a video, and I think a see a still picture of Jeff Gordon sitting in the grass in a wrecked car. Well, it looks like I can't watch the race and it does not really matter because Gordon is already out. I return to the roof to retrieve the antenna and take it back to the attic. Discouraged, I do not even try to get it to work, but just lay it upside down on some boxes of Christmas decorations. When I return to the family room, the reception is great. All of the channels are working just fine. I guess we cannot use those Christmas decorations any more because I cannot move that box with the antenna on it.

Sports will be the major thing that I will miss. I did see the Flyers play the Rangers on NBC. I watched a Temple basketball game on ESPN3, that I get through the internet. So, I will make due.

We are using our free month of Netflix. I do not know if we will keep it, but it appears to be a good substitute for On Demand. At $10 a month, it is not cost prohibitive. I like the fact that it operates through the Wii, so I do not have to use a computer. It has more Bob the Builder episodes than Verizon's On Demand. We found several episodes of Veggie Tales and other kid shows that we like. Past episodes of other shows we like, such as Monk and Psych, are available. The movie selections are better than On Demand. I do not think that I would want to pay for cable and Netflix, but Netflix instead of cable is a possibility.

So far, the experiment of cutting the cable is a success.

God's Word

2011-02-21T17:39:00.000-08:00

As a child, I remember memorizing a lot of Bible verses. One of the first verses I remember is Psalm 119:105, "Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." I memorized verses for Sunday School, for AWANA, and for school. Adults were making me, and other children, learn verses because God's Word is important. As an adult, I have encouraged kids to memorize scripture because it is good for them to know God's Word.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped memorizing scripture, and I suspect that most adults do not memorize scripture either. What a shame! If I needed to memorize scripture as a child, why not memorize now? If I thought, as an adult, that children should memorize scripture, then why not me? Psalm 119, which is neglected by most people because it is so long, emphasizes the importance of God's law. Verse 97 says, "Oh how I love your law! It is my meditation all the day." This is very convicting. Do I really love God's law? If so, wouldn't I spend more time with it and memorize it? Do I really meditate on God's law? Generally, no. But, when I am memorizing scripture, I end up meditating on it. I am constantly reviewing the verses and this causes me to meditate on His law.

Because of the importance of God's Word, I have committed myself to memorizing scripture. For this year, my goal is to learn 2 verses per week. Two verses a week does not feel like very much. It seems to be a very reasonable goal. If I accomplish this goal, then I will learn over 100 verses this year. Two verses does not seem like much of an accomplishment, but 100 verses will be.

As the husband of my wife and father of my children, God has called me to be a spiritual leader in my family. As the spiritual leader, I need to memorize scripture. I cannot expect my children to memorize scripture if I am not setting an example. In addition, I should lead my family in memorizing scripture. So, on a weekly basis, I am giving my children 3x5 cards with verses to memorize for this week. It will be a great opportunity for me to lead my children and for us to memorize verses as a family.

So, where do I start. I decided to begin by building a strong foundation. Navigators has a Topical Memory System with some basic verses that every Christian should know. They have 30 subjects with two selections for each subject. Each week, I will have my family learn both selections for one subject. The first subject is "Christ is the Center" and the selections are 2 Cor. 5:17 and Gal. 2:20. While we may already have some of these verses memorized, there will be some new ones and it will be good to memorize the familiar ones. It is amazing how easy it is to forget even the familiar verses.

While I am looking forward to memorizing scripture, my children are very excited about it. This is going to be a great year.

Cutting the Cable

2011-02-15T17:00:00.001-08:00

I think most everyone experiences this feeling, probably several times a week. You are tired and just want to sit in front of the tv and relax. You turn on the set and flip through the channels or scroll through the guide. You browse and browse, only to discover that, just like most other nights, there is nothing good on tv. To add insult to injury, the cost of cable tv is ridiculous.

This caused me to think more about whether tv was worth paying such an extravagant fee. My wife and I enjoy a few shows each week. However, we almost never actually watch them on tv. Instead, we DVR them, watch them at our convenience, and skip the commercials. These same shows are available online to watch for free, most with limited commercials. While it may be a little inconvenient to pull the shows up on the internet, I can watch my favorite shows whenever I want by using the internet. Again, why am I paying for cable tv?

I finally got tired of paying for television that I do not watch. Last week, I called Verizon and canceled my cable tv. To do it, I had to talk to two customer service representatives. They both asked why I was terminating the tv and I said that there was nothing good to watch; they both agreed with me. I kept my FIOS internet, but went with a lower speed (15mbs). I kept the FIOS home phone only because Verizon charges more for the internet if you do not have the phone. By making these changes, I am saving $93.00 per month. I like saving $93.00.

As I said before, I am still watching my favorite shows online. I can plug my laptop computer into the family room tv and still see the shows on the tv. I am going to install an HDTV antenna, so I should get regular broadcast tv. For me, the biggest loss will be sports. That will be somewhat limited since football is mostly on broadcast tv. Since Verizon is my internet provider, I have access to ESPN3, which carries many sports events online. As I write, I can watch the Villanova basketball game (they are losing 9-6) right now. While it costs about $100.00, I will probably buy the MLB package, figuring the cost is offset by one month of savings by cutting the cable. I will miss Comcast Sportsnet since that is about the only place I can watch the Flyers, Sixers and Phillies. But, I rarely watch those games anyway. Often, I will turn on a game and watch a few minutes, but I do not have the time to watch an entire game. The little bit that I watch is not worth $93.00 a month.

My new antenna came today. My first instinct was to install it as soon as I can. But then I thought "Why?" There is nothing good on tv anyway, that is why I cut the cable. My goal is to have it installed by the time they race the Daytona 500; that is something that I want to watch.

I am also curious to see how the change effects my family. The other night, I sat down to feed our baby a bottle. I usually flip on SportsCenter, but I realized I have no tv at all. My world did not end without SportsCenter. The children have not yet missed tv. For some odd reason, they are even excited about cutting the cable (since they do not pay the cable bill, I do not understand their excitement). Two nights ago, Laura brought her guitar downstairs and played while some of the family sang along; I listened since I do not sing. I am trying to read a book for a mystery book club that I am in; now I have more time to read. I helped Matthew with his latest Kinnex project. Perhaps, we will play more games. I am excited to see how the lack of tv changes us.

Has anyone else "cut the cable"? If so, what was your experience. Has anyone else thought about it, but just hasn't pulled the plug yet? If so, why have you kept cable? I am not judging, I am just curious.

What Is $5.00 Worth?

2010-08-16T17:50:00.001-07:00

Last week, our family went to Ocean City, New Jersey, where they impose the dreaded beach tax of $5.00 per person over the age of 12. As we were planning the trip, my mind immediately tried to think of ways to avoid the tax. My 12 year old is small for her age, so I could easily pretend she was 11 and save $5.00.

Suddenly, I realized what I would be teaching my children. My 12 year old knows that she is supposed to have a tag and she would know that I did not buy it. My other children would probably discover my failure to pay the $5.00. I think it is ridiculous that Ocean City charges $5.00 for a 12 year old to spend the day on the beach. But, they do. That is the rule. By not paying the $5.00, I would definitely be teaching my children that Dad thinks it is all right to break the rules.

If it is all right to break the rules for a small amount of money like $5.00, where does it stop? At what point does the rule breaking become so big that it is wrong to break the rule?

In reality, $5.00 is a small amount of money. Is saving $5.00 worth losing my integrity before my children? Is it worth sinning before God? It is only $5.00!

I hated spending the money, but as we entered the beach that day, we spent $20.00 for beach tags for every member of my family that was over the age of 12. I hated doing it, but my integrity, the lessons I teach my children, and my standing before God are worth more than $5.00. Unfortunately, the next time I go to Ocean City, I will probably have to pay the beach tax (I doubt they are going to change it), but I don't think I will wrestle with the decision of whether I should pay it.

TO WATCH, OR NOT TO WATCH, LADY GAGA

2010-06-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

A mother recently confessed, in a blog on Chrisitianitytoday.com, that she showed her 14 year old son Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” video even though, in her words, the “clean” version is thick with raunchy sexual material and bad language. She justified it by saying that every teenager has heard of Lady Gaga and, because she is such a huge presence in popular culture, he would have seen it anyway, probably at a friend’s house or while flipping through channels at his grandparents’ house. She says, “I want [my children] to seek authentically after God, engaging with culture, contributing to it, and finding true joy by seeing Christ in others. And I don’t believe that pretending Lady Gaga and raunchy music videos don’t exist is the way to do that.”

I do not believe we need to show 14 year old boys raunchy sexual material in order to engage the culture or contribute to it. On the contrary, I think God wants us to avoid such material. Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” While I have not seen the video, I have read enough about it to believe that there is nothing true, honorable, lovely, commendable, excellent, or praiseworthy in this Lady Gaga video.

Similarly, Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” We become conformed to this world when we are saturating our minds with the world's influence. We transform our minds when we avoid the world's influence and, instead, fill our mind with God’s word and things that are true, honorable, lovely, commendable, excellent, praiseworthy.

I am sure that some people would argue that watching the video one time and discussing the video from a biblical perspective, as the mother in her blog did, is not going to cause the child to conform to the world. However, I doubt that the boy’s exposure to such worldly influences is limited to watching Lady Gaga with his mother. She admits that he is more interested in artists like Coldplay than Lady Gaga and that he will probably see the video at a friend’s house. I doubt that his friends would watch just the “Telephone” video. If they are watching “Telephone”, they are probably watching MTV or something else that is showing a number of videos.
They are not watching just one. Accordingly, I think it is apparent that he has a great deal of exposure to the world.

This continual exposure is what conforms us to the world. I think it is better to teach our children to resist such influences and limit their exposure to them. The blogger noted that every teenager knows of Lady Gaga and her son would have seen the video anyway. I believe you can raise your children so that their knowledge of Lady Gaga is very limited and they would choose not to see her video. After reading the blog, I checked with my 16 year old daughter and nearly 13 year old daughter. They both had heard of Lady Gaga because they have seen her name on Yahoo. My nearly 13 year old did not know anything else about her. My 16 year old knew that she was a singer and that was all. Neither have seen any Lady Gaga video. They said that if their friends were watching a Lady Gaga video, or other similar videos, they would say that they did not want to watch and would leave if their friends were watching such videos. Contrary to the blogger’s belief, I think we can teach our children to avoid such influences. This is not pretending such videos and influences do not exist; rather, it is teaching our children to avoid them and not to be conformed to this world.

The blogger refers to the need to engage our culture. First, if my children have to watch “raunchy” Lady Gaga videos in order to engage culture, then I do not believe my children should be engaging culture (whatever that really means). When children and teens watch a lot of the world’s media, they are more likely to imitate the media they see. Studies have shown that teens who watch sexualized television shows or who listen to sexualized music are much more likely to engage in such behavior. In this war, my children are at stake. I would rather not have them engage our culture than risk their souls.

Second, you can engage culture without watching the video. If you feel that you have to know what is going on so that you can discuss such things intelligently, there are ways to find out the information without continuously watching it. Focus on the Family has a website www.pluggedin.com that contains reviews of movies, music, and video games. It even has a review of the “Telephone” video. After reading its review of the content of the video, I know what is in the video and know that I do not need to see, and my children should definitely not see it. You can know what is in pop culture without watching everything. By being aware of what is going on, you can engage the culture.

I think most Christians, not just our children and teenagers, need to be more careful about the media we watch and listen to. It effects the way we think and act. We are to be holy, just as God is holy. We cannot be holy when we are filling our minds with such thoughts.

The Importance of a Firm Doctrinal Foundation

2010-03-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

I just started reading Dug Down Deep by Joshua Harris. One of Harris’ purposes for writing the book is to convince people to study doctrine and theology. While he believes doctrine is important, it seems like most Christians, or at least younger ones, do not believe it is important. For many, doctrine is boring, does not apply to real life, and is something better left for pastors and old men. I agree with Harris; doctrine is important and relevant.

In the first two chapters, Harris explains the purpose of studying theology. Theology provides the foundation for our lives. In the biblical story, mostly taught to children, Jesus explained that the wise man built his house upon the rock and the foolish man built his house upon the sand. Often we think the foolish man is the non-Christian and the Christian is the wise man. However, the passage (Luke 4:46-49) begins with Jesus asking, “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord’ and not do what I tell you?” The audience was composed of people who were, at least at that time, following Jesus. They were at least somewhat religious. Furthermore, the foolish man is described as the “one who hears and does not do [the words of Jesus].” Harris concludes, “He’s talking to people who claim to believe in God.” Even a religious person can still be foolish by not building upon the rock. So, if you want to be the wise man, you will build upon the rock, a solid foundation. You build upon the rock by accepting the truth of Jesus and applying it to your life. When problems and trials come (the flood in the parable), you will survive because you have the rock as your foundation.

Harris follows this explanation with some examples of why the foundation is important. These examples prompted me to remember the storm that Sandy and I experienced this fall, and in some ways are still experiencing. In October, Sandy was 20 weeks pregnant and we had a miscarriage. It is impossible for me to explain all of my emotions and thoughts since then. The best way I can explain it is “DEVASTATING”. I don’t know how else to explain it. I experienced incredible hurt; more hurt than I have ever experienced. I did not, and still do not, understand anything. It was impossible to read the Bible or pray. While I felt lost, I never felt completely lost. It is hard to explain. While I felt like a ship being thrown around in the sea, the anchor held. Even without a lot of Bible reading, I still knew the truth. While the facts seem cold at times, I still knew the facts. I knew that God is in control of all things. I knew that God still loves me. I knew that God has a purpose for this tragedy. I knew that God had not abandoned us. I knew these facts, but I did not “feel” them. My emotions were out of whack, but the facts kept me anchored. I did not “feel” the truth, but I always knew the truth. In troubled times, Harris says, “There’s nothing more important, more precious, more life securing than knowing and living by God’s truth.”

After living this nightmare, I understand how someone can leave their faith in God. A firm foundation is the key to surviving such a tragedy. Correct, deep doctrine and theology are the anchor. I have not left the faith because of my strong foundation. Everyone needs a strong foundation in doctrine and theology. Tough times are going to come. Without the anchor of doctrine and theology, a shipwreck is bound to occur. With a strong anchor of doctrine and theology, you can ride out the storm and still be afloat when the winds become calm, the seas become peaceful and the sun rises.

I am reminded of Psalm 1. The blessed man is like a tree planted by streams of water. The water allows the tree to have a deep and strong root system. When the difficult times come, the tree continues to stand because of the deep and strong root system. The “leaf does not wither”. What is the key to being such a strong tree? “His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.” This is doctrine. This is theology. Delight in the law of the Lord. Meditate on it. Study it. Know it. With it, your leaf will not wither.

A Fine Line

2010-02-22T15:44:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 20th, was the day that our unborn baby, Julia, was due to be born. We lost her in October, so Saturday was a very sad day. I still sit on the couch wishing that I was holding a baby. I miss the opportunity to be in the hospital during her birth and visiting Julia and Sandy at the hospital. I want to take my other kids to see their new sister. I want to buy another outfit for the baby's trip home. I want to hold and feed Julia.

Such thoughts can get me very depressed. I know it is not healthy for me to live in a depressed state. God does not want me to live a depressed life. My family, church, and clients cannot have me live a depressed life.

In order to avoid depression, it almost seems as if I should just try to forget about Julia. If I forget her and never think about her, then it is easier to avoid the depression.

But, forgetting about her does not seem right. She is a child of mine. In fact, I have three other children who are also already in heaven. I don't think I should just forget about them. If one of the children who presently live in my home died, I would never forget them. So, how can I forget my other children. This brings me full circle; if I don't forget about them, then I am sad and likely to be depressed.

I am struggling to find the fine line between remembering and not being depressed. In order to help, I decided that our family would have a "Family Memorial Day" on February 20th. On that day, we will remember the four children who are already in heaven. I bought little presents for my wife and my four children living in my home. We went out to a restaurant for pizza. The trip included a stop at Build-A-Bear so my little one could get an outfit for her new bear (this was her present). Hopefully, this will cause us to remember our children at least once a year without being controlled by the memories and sadness.

Our Christmas Song Game

2009-12-06T18:14:00.000-08:00

We don't listen to a lot of radio, choosing instead to listen to our commercial free, talk free ipods. However, during the Christmas season, we will turn the car radio to B101, which plays only Christmas songs. When a song begins, each person tries to be the first person to name the artist. Each person only gets one guess. The person with the most correct, wins.

At this point, it is mostly a competition between my wife and I. Sometimes our kids chip in. Yesterday, our 8 year old son knew that Bing Crosby sang "White Christmas", but he said it was Bill Cosby.

On one hand, it should be easy because we hear the same songs every year. On the other hand, it can be very challenging. The variety of artists is amazing. At what other time of the year can you hear songs sung by Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Natalie Cole, Dean Martin, The Jackson Five, Amy Grant, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Gene Autry, Andy Williams, the Carpenters, Taylor Swift, and others? It is a fun game, but can be frustrating when you have heard the song a million times, the name is on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't think of it.

Thoughts on Tiger Woods

2009-12-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

The topic of Tiger Woods has been talked to death in the last week. I only have a couple of extra things to say.

First, I am amazed at how this scandal started. Minor traffic accidents happen all the time. It seems to me that this should have been pretty easy to sweep under the rug. People like Tiger. Tiger wins, so people will overlook his secrets. A minor car accident in the middle of the night should have meant nothing. But this little accident exposed a lot of secrets. Initially, reports surfaced of one other woman. And, then another. And, then another. The story keeps growing. Amazingly, all of these secrets were exposed from just a minor car accident in the middle of the night.

Second, the words of Proverbs 5 are so true. For example, "her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood . . . her feet go down to death" and "The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in cords of his sin."

Finally, a chance to play Rook

2009-11-30T17:17:00.000-08:00

During my college years, I played a lot of Rook. I mean a lot of Rook. Pretty much every night until about 2:00 a.m. Since graduating in 1989, I have played very little Rook. It is hard to get a game because few people know how to play and my wife refuses to play with me.

The other day, I was thinking that 3 of my kids might be old enough to understand and play the game. So, on Saturday, I broke out the cards. It took a while but my two oldest daughters and my son learned how to play. After many practice hands, we played our first real game. But, we could not finish it. The kids got carried away with bidding and kept failing to make their bids. It got too late, so we finally said that whoever wins the next hand wins the game. I took the bid and won.

The next day, we played a couple of complete games. The kids are learning more about making realistic bids and how to play their cards. After 20 years, I finally get a chance to play Rook. I am looking forward to many games in the future.