Should Children Be Sheltered?

A common criticism of home schooled children, and sometimes Christian schooled children, is that they are too sheltered - they do not know enough about the world around them.  When they get out from under their parent's roof, they are more likely to fall prey to the temptations of alcohol, drugs, and sex because they were sheltered from the world rather than exposed to it.  Since these temptations are new to them, they are more likely to give into the temptations.  I think that such thinking is wrong and unbibilical.

In Romans 16:19, Paul expresses one of his goals for the Believers.  He wants them to be "wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil."  Our children will not be innocent as to what is evil if we expose them evil.  I have heard of Christian parents who encourage their children to drink alcohol, even when they are underage, so they can learn how to handle it.  Some parents purposefully expose their children to immoral music videos so they will know what is out there.  They allow their children to be exposed to immoral lifestyles on t.v., music, magazines, and books because everyone else is doing it.  Such exposure is contradictory to Romans 16:19 and keeping children innocent.  Instead of exposing children to such evil, a parent's duty is to protect them from such evil.

This protection aligns with Philippians 4:8, where we are instructed to think about whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and worthy of praise.  We should be replacing evil influences with godly influences as described in Philippians 4:8.  By doing so, you are protecting your child's innocence from evil.  At the same time, focusing on the good described in Philippians 4:8 helps satisfy the first part of Romans 16:19, "be wise as to what is good."  We should fill ourselves up with things that are good and avoid evil.  That is the Biblical command.

Some claim that being innocent as to what is evil results in being naive.  This is not necessarily true.  Paul even notes, in verse 18, that false teachers deceive those who are naive.  You can prevent your children from being naive by warning them of the dangers of this world and explaining how Satan is like a roaring lion seeking to devour them.  In Romans 16, the people would not be deceived if they had a strong foundation in truth.  A good tactic is to warn against sin, but overload children with goodness.

I do not apologize for "sheltering" my children.  They are better off by not being exposed to all of the evil in this world.  Instead, we have emphasized the good and try to keep then immersed in goodness.  At the same time, we have taught them about evil, warned them about sin, and discuss temptation.  Then we return to filing their lives with goodness.  If their lives are filled with goodness, then, hopefully, there is little room left for sin.

Celebrating Children We Never Met

We expected to celebrated February 20th, but not in this way.  We expected our daughter Julia to be born on February 20. 2010.  Instead, we lost her before she was born.  We never got to meet her, hold her, hug her, or kiss her.  We were devastated by the loss, just as we were when we lost three prior babies. 

Continuing life after the miscarriages has been difficult.  We experienced great sorrow over losing the children.  However, life goes on.  We cannot allow our grief to paralyze us from living life and doing what God wants.  On the other hand, continuing to live life makes it seem like we have forgotten these unborn children.  The challenge is figuring out how to live an abundant life that God provides without forgetting these children.

To meet this challenge we created our own holiday, Family Day, which is celebrated every February 20th.  It is a day to remember the four children we never held, to celebrate the brief life they had with us,  and to look forward to seeing them in heaven.  We also celebrate the four children God has allowed us to raise, along with the three foster children He placed with us.  We try to make the day special for our children, although it differs every year.  This year, the kids did not have school because it is President's Day.  My wife made a special breakfast of a baked French toast with cream cheese.  She also did a special photo project with the kids.  We ate a favorite meal of pulled pork sandwiches.  I gave small gifts to everyone, after all this is a celebration.  Alyson made special cupcakes that look like baby ducks - seriously, they looked like baby ducks.  After dessert, Matthew played the piano and played a song that he wrote about missing Julia.  In Matthew's words, "This is a fun day."

Family Day helps us remember the lives of these four children.  This way, we do not forget about them.  But, it also helps us to celebrate our children without being stuck in despair.

Fixing the Washing Machine

While I am not the most inept person at fixing things, I am far from a handy man.  So, I hate it when I receive a call from my wife like the one I got on Friday - the one where she says that something is broken.  This means one of two things, or both.  Either, I will spend a lot of frustrating time trying to fix the item, or I will spend too much money to have it repaired or replaced.  Or, I will spend too much frustrating time trying to fix the item and then have to spend more money to fix or replace it.

My wife let me know that the washing machine stopped working; it was running and suddenly stopped spinning.  She had several loads to do and we continually have to use it because there are nine people, including a baby who is constantly spitting up on everyone's clothes, in the house.  It needed to be fixed ASAP.

Since I do not know what I am doing, I decide to go online for help.  Using Yahoo, I start my search.  As I am typing in the kind of machine, the drop down menu suggests that I am asking about this machine not spinning.  When Yahoo knows my question before I even finish it, then this must be a widespread problem.  Why does there have to be a widespread problem?  Well, at least there may be several people offering help.

From reading the articles, it looks like the "coupler" is bad and some other husbands have fixed it.  Good - I have a chance. Now, if I only knew what a coupler looked like. 

That can wait.  Surely, I have to open the machine to get to the coupler.  I look in the machine and there is no water in it.  Again, good - I don't have to drain anything.  I disconnect the hoses and water shoots everywhere.  Perhaps, I should have shut the water off first.  At least I knew to unplug the electric before I started working on it.  I yell for towels and clean up the water.

Now, for opening up the machine.  I unscrew the screws in the back.  After getting every visible screw out, the back will not come off.  Back to online help.  Oh, apparently, the back does not come off.  Instead, the front slides off.  I find diagrams for removing the front.  That was not too hard.

I look inside and nothing is labeled as a coupler.  I go back online.  Now, I find a video.  This is great.  I follow the video.  I turn the machine on its side and remove some screws and a bracket.  Two part should now separate and the coupler should be in between.  No such luck.  It looks like more screws need to be removed.  Which ones?  I could remove everything I see like I did on the back.  That did not work, so I will try something different.  Back online.  Oh, the guy on the video skipped a step.  Three bolts have to be removed, but he did not show that.  All right - the pieces separated and I can see the coupler.

The guy on the video said that you can tell if the coupler is the problem because you can visibly see that it is broken.  I look.  It does not appear to be broken.  I pull it out and YES, YES, YES it is broken.  Out loud, I yell, "All right!"  Did I just cheer because something was broken?  Yes, but that is because I hope that it really is the problem.

Now, I need a new coupler.  It is too late on Friday to get the part.  Hopefully, I can find it on Saturday.  I don't want to order online, because that will take too long to get.  We need the washer now.

On Saturday, I go to a parts store near my house.  The lady behind the counter is on the phone.  She looks grumpy.  It sounds like the customer on the phone is giving her a hard time.  I hope she will be nicer to me; I am a novice.  She slams down the phone.  It is my turn.  I think, "She will be nice to me because I will be nice.  I will smile.  I have a simple problem, after all Yahoo says couplers commonly break.  This will be easy for her."  I tell her that I need a coupler for a Kenmore washing machine, model series 80.  She is very annoyed with me.  She wants to know what the model number is.  I thought I just told her, it is a model series 80.  Apparently, that is not good enough for her.  I explain that I think this is a pretty common part and fairly standard on all wash machines.  She disagrees but can give me what she will guess I need - but it cannot be returned if it is the wrong part, after all, I did not know the exact model number.  I still think it is a common part, so, fine, I will buy it for $28.  In the car, I look at the bag.  It says that it fits nearly every washing machine ever made.  So, I am exaggerating, but it did say it fits most Kenmore, Maytag, Whirlpool, etc. washers.  I knew it was a common part.

At home, the part fits perfectly.  The pieces go back together.  There are no left over screws.  The hoses are back on.  The machine runs.  It spins.  It does not leak. Mission accomplished.  And now I can proudly tell the world that I fixed a washing machine.

Finding Encouragement from Moses While Raising Foster Children

Raising three foster children can be a challenge.  In my case, I find this to be especially true.  All three of my foster children are in diapers.  The oldest is a nearly three year old boy who has a ton of energy, is strong willed and defiant, will not obey, refuses to nap, and has major screaming fits when he does not get his way.  The second is a recently turned two year old girl.  She came to us when she was nine months old, weighing  only 14 pounds because she was not fed properly.  While she appears to have recovered well, she still has baggage from not being fed properly; she has little desire to eat and it is a constant battle to get her to eat.  Because of her small size, she is under medical supervision by doctors who continually want to test her to see if something is wrong, even though, to date, they have found nothing wrong with her.  In recent months, she has been demonstrating some of her brother's strong willed and defiant traits.  The third child is a baby boy born in July.  Unlike his sister, he wants to eat continually and wants to be held all of the time, even though that does not always make him happy.  The worst part is that he refuses to sleep through the night.  Every night he is up once or twice wanting a bottle.  Often, he will not return to sleep, requiring my wife or I to stay up throughout the night to keep him quiet so that he will not wake his brother or sister, who are little terrors if they do not sleep all night.  The kids are high maintenance and require constant supervision.

I realize that I am complaining a lot.  But, you need to know these facts in order to understand my reaction to reading Numbers 11.  In this chapter, the Israelites are complaining again, this time about the lack of meat to eat.  Moses was displeased (verse 10) and beginning in verse 11, he says to God, "Why have you dealt ill with your servant?  And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me?  Did I conceive all these people?  Did I give them birth, . . . I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me."

I know my circumstances are nothing like what Moses faced.  But, sometimes I feel like Moses.  Like the Israelites, the foster kids are high maintenance.  Even though their behavior has improved during the 17 months they have lived with us, they still require constant supervision and we still have the previously described struggles.  While they may not complain like the Israelites, their behavior makes it difficult to be around them and it feels like their behavior is complaining.

Some days are particularly difficult and, like Moses, I ask "Why God have you but this burden on me.  The lack of sleep and lack of time with my wife is killing me.  I cannot handle it.  I know you want me to help needy children, but why did you have to give me such difficult children. These are not even my children.  Sandy and I did not even give birth to them.  I did not bring them into this world, so why am I paying the price of raising them?  How am I supposed to get the strength and patience to raise them?  I cannot do it. This burden is too heavy for me."

In the passage, God responded by providing helpers for Moses, by providing for their physical needs with quail, and by punishing them with too much quail and a plague.  For me, the punishment does not apply because the foster kids are children and are not responsible, in the same way, as the adult Israelites. 

However, I do see other similarities.  God has provided people to help us.  My wife is a great help to me.  In fact, she does more of the raising of the children than I do.  In reality, I am merely the helper for her.  My children are also a great help.  I know God would provide, but I do not think we could raise them without the help of my children.  Others help occasionally, like our parents.  Another help is actual encouragement from other people.

Similar to God's help in Numbers 11, God also provides physically for us.  Even though Sandy and I get little sleep, somehow I am responding better than I ever thought I would with such little sleep.  He is providing supernatural strength to survive my lack of sleep.  God also provides opportunities for Sandy and I to get away and spend some time together.  We enjoy weekly dates to the bookstore, which are made possible by my older children who babysit.

While at times, it seems like the foster children are a burden, I know that God has given us a privilege to raise them.  He does not give us more than we can handle.  If they are such a challenge, then God knows we are capable of handling this challenge.  And, He has given us a lot of help in facing the challenge, including physical help from our children and supernatural help to survive little sleep.  Ultimately, if these children accept Christ as their Saviour and spend eternity in heaven with God, then whatever price I pay is worth it.  My price is very little compared to the price that Jesus paid to provide salvation for me.  These children also provide multiple opportunities for me to learn lessons from God.  I have gained a much greater understanding of what it means to be adopted into God's family and made a child of God.  I have learned that I need to be dependent upon God and not really upon my strength.  These lessons are continuing.

Engagement Night

On the last day of Fall Quarter at Cedarville in 1988 (that sounds like a long time ago), I picked up a small diamond engagement ring.  A short time later, I was with my girlfriend, in her car, driving home.  She had finished student teaching and said her teacher was asking if she was going to get engaged over Christmas break.  She said that she was not getting engaged.  I had to keep a straight face as the ring sat in my pocket.

A few days later, I was standing next to her as she talked with a friend.  They were talking about how guys never want to ask the dad if they can marry the daughter.  Sandy explained that we were going to dinner that night and afterwards I was going to talk to her father.  Again, I had to keep a straight face because I had already talked to her dad.

On December 23, 1988, we at dinner at Wanamaker's and watched their famous Christmas light show.  I had a strong urge to pop the question right then.  I could not keep holding the ring any more.  But, that was not my plan, so I waited.  After dinner, we traveled towards Independence Hall to get a carriage ride.  Due to rain, no carriages were present.  Sandy said the carriage ride was no big deal and we could go home.  I told her that I really wanted to find some carriages.  I drove to South Street and we found some carriages.  As we rode along, I pulled the ring out of my pocket and told her that I have grown to love her over the last several months, I would like to spend the rest of my life with her, and asked her to marry me.  Shocked and speachless, she paused.  Then she said, "Yes" followed by, "when did you ask my Dad?"

Twenty three years later, I am married to my best friend.  A lot has happened during these 23 years.  We have four natural born children living with us, four children in heaven, and three Foster children that we hope to adopt.  We started a solo law practice in the home and turned it into a partnership with real office space.  She teaches our children at home.  We have served many hours in our church and have mentored numerous people.  Through it all, I cannot imagine my life without her.  Although I cannot understand it, I love her more today that ever.  Even though she is 23 years older, she looks more beautiful to me today than she did the day she said "Yes."

Is Xmas Offensive?

It's a common sign this time of year. The sign that says "Xmas" instead of Christmas. Understandably, many Christians get upset when they see the sign. Not only have they removed Christ from Christmas, but they have crossed him out with an "X".

I don't believe that Christians should be offended when they see the "Xmas" abbreviation - because, in reality, "Xmas" is an abbreviation based upon the Greek language. While I do not know Greek, it is my understanding that when Christ is spelled in Greek, the first letter is "X". So, biblical scholars, Bible students, and Christians have, for centuries, used "X" as an abbreviation for Christ. "Xmas" is simply an abbreviation for Christmas, which actually recognizes the name of Christ.

While Christians should be concerned about the commercialization of Christmas and, in a practical sense, Christ is largely ignored at Christmas time, their concern about Xmas is misplaced.

Helping the Poor

Recently, I blogged about how many of the "poor" in the United States are not really poor. While this is true, there are people in the U.S. who are really poor and live in crime infested, destitute neighborhoods. Even though the Bible commands Christians to help the poor, many Christians and churches ignore this responsibility. Instead, they have turned the responsibility over to the government. Such inaction by Christians and takeover by the government has not truly helped the poor, but has made many Christians spiritually poor.

While there is no single answer to problems involving the poor, one solution is for Christians to be active in helping the truly poor. One such couple is Bill and Shannon Merck, who are members of Immanuel Baptist Church in Maple Shade, New Jersey. Seeing Camden, one of the poorest communities in the country, only a few miles from their church, they felt a need to provide real help to truly poor people. For the second year in a row, they organized a Christmas concert to raise funds. The concert took place at their church and involved members of their church, as well as talent from the area. They even had a band from New York City. At the end, Shannon sang and shared her heart. Her passion engulfed the auditorium. She explained the need and how they desired to help. Last year, they raised $1,500.00 and gave coats, gloves, books, and toys to needy children. This year, they identified over twenty children, twelve of whom are currently homeless, to help. These are people who truly need help. Again, they will provide coats, gloves, books, and toys. In addition, they identified a center that provides after school care for poor children. They will assist this center and the center helps children with physical needs and shares the gospel with them. If there is more money, they have identified other needy children through DYFS, whom they will help.
Bill and Shannon are a remarkable couple who are making a difference in the lives of people. They see a need and are acting. They are not living in their own material filled bubble ignoring those around them. They are not being judgmental. They are not waiting for the government or someone else to help. They are part of the solution. For that, I want to applaud them, am glad that we could provide some help, and that my children could be part of the benefit concert.

PS - if you are interested in contributing, let me know and I will get you in contact with Bill and Shannon.