HE CALLS ME "DADDY"

About 10 days ago, a young boy moved into my house.  I don't believe he has ever known his father.  During his young life, the State removed him from his mother on two occasions.  He has spent over one-third of his life in foster care.  Even while in foster care, I don't think he ever had a strong relationship with a man.  Almost immediately after moving into our home, he started calling me "Daddy".  In fact, he does not just call me "Daddy", he calls it over and over.  It is to the point where he almost over uses the term.  He says it so often that it almost gets annoying. The fact that he started calling me "Daddy" so quickly and says it so often indicates, I think, that he likes to call me "Daddy".

He has never really been given the chance to call anyone "Daddy".  As he called it out yesterday, Father's Day, I thought that this boy really needs a dad; this is my chance to be a dad for him.  This was my 19th Father's Day as a dad, but this one had a little different meaning as I thought about this boy needing a father and calling me "Daddy".  God has given me a chance to be a father, not just to my children, but to the fatherless.  I will resist getting annoyed when he calls it out over and over because I know that, during his entire life, he has not had many opportunities to say it.  I pray that I will have a meaningful impact on his life and that, for many years to come, he will still be able to call me "Daddy".

Impact of The Blind Side

In 2006, long before the movie, I picked up an interesting book called the Blind Side. Being a football fan, I enjoyed the chapters describing the evolution of the Left Tackle position. More compelling was the story of Michael Oher. While you have probably seen the movie and know the story, I was reading the book when it first came out and I did not know the story.When the Touhys brought Oher into their family, they did not know he would eventually be a highly recruited football player. They saw a needy child and took him into their home. He had nothing he could give them and had a bleak future. This was about the Touhys helping a poor child. I am sure that raising this boy was very difficult. At the very least, taking in a very large, black boy had to have caused a lot of problems in their white social circles. On top of that, this boy had severe academic issues. Raising him was difficult and scary.Yet, despite these difficulties, I thought of the significant impact the Touhys had on Oher. And, I thought many Christians could follow this example and take needy children into their homes. A lot of Christians have houses with empty bedrooms. Many have children who have left for college leaving an empty nest. They are experienced parents who have a lot to give. While they might not be rich, God has richly blessed them and they could share these physical blessings with a needy child.More importantly, Christians, by housing needy children, could bless them spiritually. The child would live with the Christian family 24/7. What an opportunity. Christians could read the Bible to the child, sing Christian songs, pray with them, take them to church, share the love of God, and share the gospel. They could take a child who probably would have very little exposure to the gospel and share it with them around the clock. I could not think of a better opportunity. While someone may teach kids at church, they are only around the kids two or three hours a week. If the child lives with you, you have them all of the time.I thought of past ministries my wife and I have had. We had taken in a single teenage mom and her son. They lived with us for several months as we taught her how to care for her child and for herself. We had a foreign exchange student live with us. We had already done some of the things I saw in the Blind Side. I knew first hand that Christians could have a big impact in the lives of others if they would just open their homes. I really hoped to see Christians take advantage of such opportunities.Little did I know that God would tell our family to take in a couple of children. In early 2011, our youngest child was six years old, so we felt that we were in a position to open our home to some needy children. We decided to pursue Foster Care. Ideally, we would have two foster children, around the ages of five to eight, so that they would be near the ages of our youngest children. God has a sense of humor. In August, we had an 18 month old boy and a 9 month old girl. Eleven months later, we had their newborn baby brother. That is three children under the age of three - all in diapers. While our world changed dramatically, God gave us numerous opportunities to witness to others. Obviously, we share a great deal with the kids. At this point, they love to go to church, sing Christian songs, and are even starting to pray. Beyond the kids, we have a larger opportunity. My wife has developed a relationship with the natural mother and has consistently shared the love of God with her. My wife has become close enough to her that when she gave birth to a baby, she invited my wife into the delivery room. We have met her for extra visiting opportunities with her kids. We have given her pictures and videos of her kids. We have given her a Bible. We have had numerous chances to tell social workers and doctors that we are taking care of these children because God wants us to share his love with them. The ministry opportunities are numerous.While I know that God has not called every Christian family to become a foster parent, to adopt a children, or have children live with them, I think many have ignored God's calling in this area. Many Christians could take a child into their home but have not even considered whether God wants them to do it. I encourage everyone who reads this blog to get the movie, enjoy the show, and see if they can envision themselves helping out a child. Ask God if He wants you to open your home to a child. I know God has not called everyone to this ministry, but He has called some and they are not listening to Him. Many have the ability to minister in this way, but have never even considered it. Start asking the question. See what God has for you.

The Swimsuit Edition

Now, I have your attention. I sipped my Earl Grey tea while sitting at a Barnes and Noble table across from my wife. While reading, I occasionally looked up as Sandy spoke to me or I initiated conversation with her. Every time I looked at her, a magazine, displayed on a rack behind her, vied for my attention. Filling the cover was a woman in a very small bikini; it was the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. This magazine has no right to my attention. My beautiful wife has my attention. This magazine is invading my life. It is Satan's way of trying to interfere with my relationship with my wife.

As I talked with my wife and looked at her, I became annoyed that the woman from this magazine is trying to distract me. Even though just a picture, the words of Proverbs apply to this woman, "Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes [or other body parts]" (6:25). The remedy is "keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house" (Prov. 5:8).

It may seem like just a small thing. It is just a picture on a magazine across the room. It is not like I was looking through the magazine. It was not a real woman there. But, it is more than just a smalkil thing. First, it is still an invasion in my life and my relationship with my wife. Second, it is the first step of an attack by Satan. In his book Wierd, Craig Groeschel says, "No one sets out a plan with the express goal to have an affair." Most affairs happen with one small step. We need to understand, "We have an enemy whose only mission is to steal, kill, and destroy everything that matters to God" and he "has us take baby steps". I decided to do something. I am going to stop this attack.

I get up from the table, walk over to the magazine and turn it around. Now, the back of the magazine is showing. And, the back of the magazine is beautiful. There is an M & M advertisement on the back. Now, that is worth looking at.

This incident gets me thinking bigger picture, which is the purpose of this blog. Our Christian values are constantly under attack. My 11 year old son is exposed to this same cover when he walks into the bookstore. While this issue of Sports Illustrated only comes out once year, various other magazines have similar covers every month. These pictures are calling out to him, and all other males, every day.

These covers are also attacking women. Are girls supposed to look like this? Do they need to look like this to be considered beautiful? Do they have to dress like this for a boy to like them? Is this normal? My daughters are under attack.

This has to stop. While I am not naive enough to think that I can stop these magazine covers, I think people can take a small practical step to limit the exposure of these magazines. Turn the magazines over. When you are in a store, any store, not just a bookstore, and you see an offensive magazine, whether a men's magazine or a women's magazine, turn it over. Yeah, the store will turn them back, but it is still a step, a statement. Before they get a chance to turn the magazine back over, you may be keeping a boy or girl from seeing the cover. You may be keeping an adult from flipping through the pages. If I do it, it is a small step. If you do it, it is a small step. But, if everyone who is offended by these covers turned them over, it would big step, so big that stores may have trouble keeping the covers visible. And, more M & M's might be sold.

The Enemy of Marriage: SELFISHNESS

As an attorney who handles divorces, I see a lot of broken marriages. While a number of things cause such breakdowns, such as alcohol and finances, my experience is that selfishness is the root of most problems.  First, we all have a sin problem. The sin problem only grows when two sinners marry each other and live together. Second, there is an expectation that marriage is going to make me happy and I will be happy when my spouse meets all of my needs.

Recently, I saw tremendous selfishness in a couple as they are going through a divorce. The husband and wife have a custody agreement in which the kids live with the wife and they visit the father every other weekend. While the agreement says the husband will pick up the children after work, no specific time is stated in the written agreement.  The husband usually gets off work early to get them. Conflict arose when the husband realized he was going to have to work late and could not get them until later. The wife, instead of trying to resolve the issue with her husband, called her lawyer to make the husband pick up the children early because her babysitter could not watch the kids that late. The lawyer then sent me a letter demanding that the husband comply with the custody agreement and pick the children up at the usual time. Instead of being unselfish and trying to accommodate the husband's schedule, she ran to her attorney, asserting her rights.
I contacted the husband to work something out. He correctly pointed out that the agreement does not specify a time for him to pick up the kids; rather it requires him to pick them up after work. On this particular Friday, he planned to get them after work, as required, but the time would be later because he was required to work late. He refused to accommodate his wife in any way, even though her babysitter could not watch the kids that late. His selfishness is evident in his final words, "It is her problem, not mine."

Timothy Keller in his book The Meaning of Marriage says, "Self-centeredness is a havoc-wreaking problem in many marriages, and it is the ever-present enemy of every marriage." Based upon Philippians 2, he explains that all Christians are "to consider and count the interests of others as more important than our own."  He continues, "now we are like servants - but to one another."  And "a servant puts someone else's needs ahead of his or her own."

I have heard Pastor Mark Driscoll say that studies show it takes the parties in a marriage 9 years to stop being selfish.  While I don't know how a study can determine this, it sounds good.  As people wait longer to get married, it seems to me that selfishness will only increase.  The longer someone lives single, I think they will become more selfish because they have spent a greater amount of time only thinking of himself or herself.

According to Keller, a marriage thrives only when both spouses serve each other with joy.  Ideally, both spouses are trying to serve the other.  While my wife and I have plenty of faults, we recently experienced a moment when our desires to serve the other ran into each other.  On a Sunday afternoon, I knew that Sandy had something to do, but she could not if she was watching the foster children.  So, I wanted to watch the children and let her do her thing.  At the same time, Sandy knew I wanted to do something, but I could not do it if I was watching the foster children.  So, Sandy wanted to watch the kids so I could do my thing.  We actually had competing desires to serve each other.  We worked it out; I quickly did my thing and then watched the kids so she could do her thing.  On this occasion, we were doing a good job of serving each other. 

One of the many things I love about my wife is how much she loves me and shows it by serving me and trying to make me happy.  I wish I was that good at serving her.  I will keep trying to serve her better.  While we have a great marriage, I know that as we continue to serve each other, our marriage will continue to get better.

Sports Blog

I love sports but rarely blog about them. Today, several thoughts came to mind, so I decided to share them.

The Flyers retired Mark Howe's number. It is about time. He is the best Flyer's defenseman I have ever seen. I will always remember watching him play in the 80's. Finally, he is Forever a Flyer.

Drexel lost in the conference tournament championship game. It is a shame. They had a great season. A conference championship would have guaranteed a spot in the NCAA tournament. Unfortunately, schools like Drexel normally do not get in the tournament unless they win their conference tournament. The tournament should invite Drexel to the tournament anyway. They are 27-6 and lost to VCU, a team from last year's Final Four, by 3 points in an arena near VCU. I predict that Drexel will be in the NCAA tournament.

Looks like the real Sixers finally showed up for the season. I thought they were over-achieving and kept expecting the mirage to end. But, I kept holding out hope that this team was for real. Unfortunately, their lack of overall talent has caught up to them.  Pre-season, I hoped they would finish with 36 wins, which would put them 6 games over .500.  It looks like that may be a realistic goal.

Still talking 76ers, the #2 overall pick in last year's NBA draft, Evan Turner, finally made his first start of the season. He showed he deserved the start, and being picked #2, by scoring 2 whole points. Nevertheless, I am not ready to give up on him yet, but I am close. He should keep starting and we can evaluate him at the end of the year. At this point, the early returns are not good.

Speaking of under-achieving players, it appears that Holiday has regressed. I was never impressed with him. I hope he can turn it around, but I am not optimistic.

Still talking 76ers, there is no quick solution to their problems. Considering their good start, I think they need to stay the course for the rest of this season. They should not trade any young players for an older veteran. Such a move may provide a short term benefit, but no long term gain. Instead, let this group play, including Turner and Holiday, and evaluate them at the end of the year. During the off-season, they can use amnesty on Brand, which will free his money up from the salary cap, and they can use his money to find sign a free agent. They should do everything they can to trade Iguodala. I think he is having his best season yet, but he is not good enough to take the Sixers over the hump. Plus, he makes way too much money for what he provides. Get rid of him and free up that salary cap money. Since he is having his best season, I would hope they could trade him without having to accept a bad contract player in return. The plan should be to build for the future and they should continue with that plan.

One last thought on the Sixers - at least they finally have a good coach.

I saw that the Eagles signed a linebacker, their biggest position of need. They guy they got was on the 49ers practice squad last year. Really? They need significant changes.

It looks like the Colts will release Peyton Manning. The Eagles should try to sign him. If he can play, he would immediately make the team better. Imagine Manning throwing to Jackson and Maclin, with McCoy in the backfield.  Plus, it would keep another NFC team from getting him.  Of course, the Eagles will make no attempt to get him.  Can you imagine Andy Reid allowing Manning to run the offense?  It will never happen.

Finally, my bold baseball prediction.  After winning 5 straight division titles, the Phillies will not win their division this year.  Teams do not win that many titles in a row.  Eventually, things catch up to them, such as injuries, age, and complatency.  Other Eastern Division teams have improved.  While they have the most talent, I do not have a good feel.  I hope I am wrong, but I don't think they win the division.  However, they will make the playoffs by getting a wildcard spot.

Should Children Be Sheltered?

A common criticism of home schooled children, and sometimes Christian schooled children, is that they are too sheltered - they do not know enough about the world around them.  When they get out from under their parent's roof, they are more likely to fall prey to the temptations of alcohol, drugs, and sex because they were sheltered from the world rather than exposed to it.  Since these temptations are new to them, they are more likely to give into the temptations.  I think that such thinking is wrong and unbibilical.

In Romans 16:19, Paul expresses one of his goals for the Believers.  He wants them to be "wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil."  Our children will not be innocent as to what is evil if we expose them evil.  I have heard of Christian parents who encourage their children to drink alcohol, even when they are underage, so they can learn how to handle it.  Some parents purposefully expose their children to immoral music videos so they will know what is out there.  They allow their children to be exposed to immoral lifestyles on t.v., music, magazines, and books because everyone else is doing it.  Such exposure is contradictory to Romans 16:19 and keeping children innocent.  Instead of exposing children to such evil, a parent's duty is to protect them from such evil.

This protection aligns with Philippians 4:8, where we are instructed to think about whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and worthy of praise.  We should be replacing evil influences with godly influences as described in Philippians 4:8.  By doing so, you are protecting your child's innocence from evil.  At the same time, focusing on the good described in Philippians 4:8 helps satisfy the first part of Romans 16:19, "be wise as to what is good."  We should fill ourselves up with things that are good and avoid evil.  That is the Biblical command.

Some claim that being innocent as to what is evil results in being naive.  This is not necessarily true.  Paul even notes, in verse 18, that false teachers deceive those who are naive.  You can prevent your children from being naive by warning them of the dangers of this world and explaining how Satan is like a roaring lion seeking to devour them.  In Romans 16, the people would not be deceived if they had a strong foundation in truth.  A good tactic is to warn against sin, but overload children with goodness.

I do not apologize for "sheltering" my children.  They are better off by not being exposed to all of the evil in this world.  Instead, we have emphasized the good and try to keep then immersed in goodness.  At the same time, we have taught them about evil, warned them about sin, and discuss temptation.  Then we return to filing their lives with goodness.  If their lives are filled with goodness, then, hopefully, there is little room left for sin.

Celebrating Children We Never Met

We expected to celebrated February 20th, but not in this way.  We expected our daughter Julia to be born on February 20. 2010.  Instead, we lost her before she was born.  We never got to meet her, hold her, hug her, or kiss her.  We were devastated by the loss, just as we were when we lost three prior babies. 

Continuing life after the miscarriages has been difficult.  We experienced great sorrow over losing the children.  However, life goes on.  We cannot allow our grief to paralyze us from living life and doing what God wants.  On the other hand, continuing to live life makes it seem like we have forgotten these unborn children.  The challenge is figuring out how to live an abundant life that God provides without forgetting these children.

To meet this challenge we created our own holiday, Family Day, which is celebrated every February 20th.  It is a day to remember the four children we never held, to celebrate the brief life they had with us,  and to look forward to seeing them in heaven.  We also celebrate the four children God has allowed us to raise, along with the three foster children He placed with us.  We try to make the day special for our children, although it differs every year.  This year, the kids did not have school because it is President's Day.  My wife made a special breakfast of a baked French toast with cream cheese.  She also did a special photo project with the kids.  We ate a favorite meal of pulled pork sandwiches.  I gave small gifts to everyone, after all this is a celebration.  Alyson made special cupcakes that look like baby ducks - seriously, they looked like baby ducks.  After dessert, Matthew played the piano and played a song that he wrote about missing Julia.  In Matthew's words, "This is a fun day."

Family Day helps us remember the lives of these four children.  This way, we do not forget about them.  But, it also helps us to celebrate our children without being stuck in despair.