HOPE

Hope is an amazing thing.  And, the lack of hope is very depressing.

Recently, I experienced these truths.  In early March, DYFS informed our family they would be removing our four foster children from our home.  There was no rational reason for the removal, but DFYS can do whatever they want.  Foster parents have no rights and no legal recourse to keep foster children.  Hopelessness.

The next day, DYFS instructed us to take our foster daughter to the hospital because they thought she was dehydrated.  At the hospital, two doctors determined she was not dehydrated; rather, she was a healthy three year old.  Nevertheless, DYFS told us that we could not take her home.  She would stay at the hospital for the night and, later, would be placed in a new foster home, that was foreign to her.  When we had to leave, she was crying and asking when we would pick her up.  We could not answer.  All we could do was cry with her.  Hopelessness.

We had lost our foster daughter and knew that, soon, we would lose our three foster sons.  Hopelessness grew and turned into despair.

The next day, we spoke to Law Guardians.  Law Guardians are attorneys appointed by the court to represent the interests of the children.  DYFS had failed to inform the Law Guardians of the removal, even though the removal would effect the children.  The Law Guardians were opposing the removal.  They thought it would be best if the children remained with us.  They requested an emergency hearing to keep the children with us.  Hope blossomed.

Law Guardians rarely, if ever, oppose DYFS and try to keep children with specific foster parents.  But, they undertook this action.  Hope.

With this hope,  my despair, depression, and hopelessness dissipated, replaced by hope and the energy to assist in keeping the children with us.  Over the next few days, I spent hours talking to the Law Guardians and others to keep the children.  I spent hours drafting a court document to communicate our story to the judge.  Energy came from hope.

Bible verses about hope came to my mind.  First, there is hopelessness.  The world around us is full of pain and sorrow.  No one escapes this pain.  Furthermore, the ultimate pain comes upon death because everyone is a sinner doomed to hell.  Hopelessness.  There is nothing we can do to save ourselves.  Hopelessness turns to depression, despair and death.

But, there is hope because Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross for my sins and His righteousness was imputed to me.  Romans 8:24 says, "In this hope, we are saved."  Instead of eternity in hell, we have "hope of eternal life" (Titus 1:2).  While it is difficult to live in this world (the present age), we are "waiting for the blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Saviour, Jesus Christ" (Titus 2:13).  When things are bad, we should continue to hope in God.  Psalm 71:14 says, "I will hope continually and praise you . . ."  Psalm 78:7 says, "they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God . . ."

Because of hope provided by God, there is no reason to be hopeless, stuck in despair, or depressed.  Rather, God's hope should energize us to live holy lives and do good works until Jesus returns.

The placement of our foster children is not yet resolved.  The court ordered DYFS to place the girl with some family friends, who she already knew.  In addition, DYFS was ordered to leave the boys with us.  In May, there is to be a trial to determine whether all of the children should stay with us or be removed.  On one hand, there is hopelessness.  The children may be removed and we can do nothing about it.  From a human standpoint, we can do nothing but let the Law Guardians do the work and advocate for the children.  On the other hand, I have hope that God is in control and He, alone, will determine where these precious children will live.

Where Do Laws Come From?

               During the last week, we have heard a lot about same sex marriage(SSM), but I wanted to add something that I have not heard anywhere.

               In discussing the subject, many people are ignoring the need for a foundation for laws.  If we do not have a foundation, then laws can be constantly changed at the whim of people, legislature, judges, etc.  A law that seemed just and necessary to one generation can be completely reversed by another generation simply because the new generation has redefined justice.  For example, prior to the second half of the 20th century, abortion was illegal in the United States.  Then, a generation arose that decided the rights of women were more important than the life of an unborn child, so abortion became legal.  The new generation detached abortion from its Judeo-Christian foundation and redefined justice.  Laws against abortion became detached from a true foundation, so it could be changed.  Since laws allowing abortion are not attached to a foundation, it is possible that a new generation could change such laws by simply determining that another value is more important than a woman's right to choose.  Theoretically, a new generation could say that a father's rights are more important than a mother's rights, so a father can decide whether abortion is permissible.  While I don't see this occurring, I am trying to show what has happened, and can happen, when there is no true foundation for law. Laws can change upon the whim of the law-makers.

               So, how does this apply to the same sex marriage debate?  Proponents of SSM claim that SSM should be legal because it is fair and equitable.  They make this claim because it sounds good and is impossible to argue against.  Who can argue against fairness and equality?  Surely, fairness and equality will overrule other values.

               On the other hand, proponents of traditional marriage most often cite the Bible and argue that God intended marriage to be only between a man and a woman.  They have correctly based their law upon an unchanging foundation. 

               However, they have failed to explain the necessity of a foundation.  Even the generally conservative Bill O'Reilly recently said that proponents of traditional marriage can only "thump the Bible" in their arguments and he believes that is not enough to defend traditional marriage.  He is right if there is no true foundation for law.  If biblical principles are simply competing against fairness and equality as acceptable foundations of law, then the Bible will, in this society, lose to fairness and equality.

               Proponents of traditional marriage have failed to explain the necessity for a true foundation for law, so they are losing to the ideas of fairness and equality. 

               Historically, the United States has based its laws upon a Judeo-Christian foundation.  Remember, the Declaration of Independence refers to inalienable rights provided by a Creator.  The Founders were saying that England could not pass laws simply because they wanted to. 

Rather, laws had to be based upon God's law.  Based upon this foundation, marriage has only been allowed between a man and a woman.  This same foundation is the basis of laws against murder, stealing, perjury, etc.  If you abandon the Judeo-Christian foundation, then any law can be changed.

               This may seem far-fetched, but it is not.  In the 1930's, Hitler abandoned the Judea-Christian foundation of law and based laws upon what sounded good to the German people.  He claimed that the world had abused Germany following World War I and that their troubles were caused by the Jews.  Therefore, they could ignore the world's values, such as territorial boundaries, and they cold annihilate all Jews.  This was the result of abandoning a Judeo-Christian foundation for law.

              

               Following World War II, numerous German military officers were tried for war crimes, such as killing Jews.  German military officers attempted to defend themselves by saying that they were acting in compliance with German laws.  They claimed the world could not convict them when they were obeying their laws.  It would be wrong for the world to impose its values and laws upon Germans who were obeying their laws.  Guess what?  This defense did not work because the German laws were wrong according to the ultimate foundation.

               Proponents of traditional marriage are losing because our society has decided to abandon the Judeo-Christian foundation for laws.  When the foundation if lost, then vague ideas of fairness and equality can win.  But, even those values, without a true foundation, are subject to change at the whim of law-makers.

Duck Dynasty's Willie Wilts

In today's culture, it is a challenge to keep teenage girls dressed modestly.  I am amazed at the lack of clothing many Christian girls wear.  So, I eagerly watched Willie, from Duck Dynasty, last Wednesday, as he confronted his daughter, Sadie, about the very short dress she bought for Homecoming.

The show opened with Sadie showing off her dress to the family.  Willie was not pleased.  While the dress was cute, it was strapless and very short.  In typical Willie fashion, he made a big deal, objected to the dress, and accepted the challenge of taking Sadie shopping for an acceptable dress.  Upon entering the store, Willie returned the dress because it was not enough of a dress.  As Sadie selects different dresses, Willie rejects them even before she tries them on.  Then, she actually tries dresses on, with Willie still rejecting every dress because they are too short.  In typical teenage fashion, Sadie complained about her dad being unreasonable and called her mom, Korie.  Korie appeared just in time to save Sadie from her unreasonable father.  Finally, Willie gave in and approved a dress picked out by Sadie.  Willie looked foolish since this was the same dress that was originally purchased by Sadie.

While Duck Dynasty is one of my favorite shows, I have to be critical of Willie and his family regarding Sadie's dress.  First, Willie gave in on an important issue of modesty.  He was right about the dress.  But, he wilted under pressure from his daughter.  He knew what was right and he did not do it.  By giving in, he allowed his daughter to wear a dress that he believed was not modest.  A father should not do this.  To make make matters worse, by giving in, he makes it nearly impossible to win future battles.  Sadie is now empowered to wear even shorter dresses, lower cut dresses, go out with whomever she wants, stay out as late as she wants, etc.  After all, with enough whining, mom will come and rescue her from her unreasonable dad, who will eventually give in.

Second, Korie, Willie's wife, failed to support Willie.  They should have been united.  Parents will not win battles with their children unless they are united.  Even if Korie disagreed with Willie, she should have supported him in Sadie's presence.  If she disagreed with him, she should have discussed it with him privately and then approached Sadie united.  Korie should have supported her husband, not her daughter.

Third, this is another example of poor fatherhood shown on television.  Typically, television depict fathers as stupid, unreasonable, and wrong.  Meanwhile, mothers are knowledgable, caring, reasonable, and right.  By giving in, Willie perpetuated television's portait of fatherhood.  This was Willie's opportunity to be countercultural by showing a father led by principles, lovingly guiding his daughter toward modesty.

Even though I am critical of Willie and his family in this episode, I look forward to laughing at the Robertson's in future episodes as they, usually, display godly values and show the world that even Christians can have fun.

Motivation for Being a Foster Parent

It's 1:00 a.m.  I am sitting on the couch holding a screaming, crying, yelling 19 month old foster child.  He is totally inconsolable, but there is nothing wrong with him.  I carry him to the kitchen for some milk.  Maybe that will quiet him down.  He wants a fruit bar.  "Fine.  Just be quiet."  I give him a fruit bar and milk and sit him at the table.  He is quiet.  We sit for an hour.  I want to sleep.  He is not interested.  I am frustrated.  He does not care.  After an hour, I try to get him to sleep.  He lays down quietly.  I hope we can sleep.  A few minutes later, he is up screaming again.  He will not be quiet.  I pick him up. Silence.  I put him down.  Screaming.  Repeat.  Frustration.  I want to sleep.  Crying.  Anger.  I am worried that he is going to wake everyone up.  I take him out to the van.  We drive around in the middle of the night until he falls asleep.  We spend the night sleeping in the van.  Throughout this long night, I wonder why I do this.

            I think back a week.  Our nine year old foster child came down from his room and asked to be saved.  We talked at length about how he was a sinner and the punishment for his sin would be spending eternity in hell.  But, Jesus, who is the Son of God, lived a perfect life and died on the cross to take his punishment.  He prayed, expressing his belief that Jesus is God and took away his sin.  He accepted Christ as his Savior.

            That is why we do it.  The salvation the these souls motivates me to give up my comfort, to give up my sleep, and spend tremendous energy for these children.  Sure, I want to give them a better life on earth.  More importantly, I want these children to live in heaven for eternity.  I could have an easier life here on earth, but what is that compared to the eternity of their souls?

            There are times, like Monday night, that I want to give up and quit.  God answered our prayers by having the nine year old accept Christ as his Savior.  Now, when I want to give up, I can see that our actions are really working.  I see fruit.  One of these children accepted Christ.  That is encouragement to keep going. 

            These children are difficult.  So, nearly every day, I have to remind myself why we foster and that we have seen fruit from this ministry.

            P.S.  This was written prior to a Sunday afternoon.  On that Sunday afternoon, I wanted to watch the Daytona 500 (for NASCAR fans, it is like the Super Bowl and opening day put together) and Sandy needed to get work done on lesson plans.  On this afternoon, of course, the little foster children were terrible, making it impossible to enjoy the race.  Again, I had to constantly remind myself why we do this and remember the recent fruit that we have seen.  Later today, I will probably be reminding myself again.

Writing Project (first 10 days)

Two of my children started a writing project.  The task is to write 100 words for 100 consecutive days on one project/story.  For various reasons, I decided to participate with them.  Today is day 10.  I am posting the first 10 days of my story.  Here it is:

            

            Drip . . . Drip . . . Drip . . .

            "DDDDDDDDDooooooooo . . . yyyyooooouuuu think it is safe to go out?" Willie asked his friends, Jack and Calvin.  Hiding in darkness, Willie was lying on his stomach on a cold, damp, rock floor.

            "Ssssssshhhhhhh," whispered Calvin, stuck between his rotund friend and a rock wall.  "It still might be out there."

            "But, I haven't seen it in a while, and I am hungry."

            "Why are you thinking about food at a time like this?" Jack questioned, as he elbowed Willie.  "You just had a snack when we were at the lake."

            "Well, how long do we have to wait here?" Willie asked impatiently.

            Tired of being squished by Willie, Calvin suggests, "Maybe one of us should take a peek to see if it is still out there?"

            "I'll take a look," Jack whispered as he crawled forward on his stomach.  Slowly, he inched forward.  Finally, his red Phillies cap, with brown hair poking out underneath, emerged from the cave like a turtle's head poking out of his shell.  Intently, he looked left.  Seeing nothing unusual, he rotated his head to the right.  Still nothing unusual in the woods.  Or is there?  What is moving over there?  His head freezes.  Jack holds his breath.  He looks closely.  A bush rustles.  A squirrel emerges and climbs a nearby tree.  He sighed in relief.  He continued looking to the right.  Nothing.  His eyes scan back to the left.  Still nothing.

            Cautiously, he climbed out of the cave.  Kneeling, he looks from his left to his right.  Still nothing.  With his right hand, he waives for his companions to come out of hiding.  "I think the coast is clear.  I don't see anything."

            Calvin and Willie breathlessly watched Jack emerged from the cave and waive for them to join him.  Willie exhaled.  Calvin moves forward first and climbs out, followed by Willie.  They stand together.  It feels good to stretch after being cramped in darkness, for what felt like hours. 

            As they stood, Jack looked at his friends, Calvin in a muddy Star Wars t-shift and Willie in a mud covered Pepsi t-shirt, "You guys look terrible."

            "You don't look so good either."  Looking at his shirt, Calvin continued, "My mom is going to kill me."

            Willie chimed in, "My mom expects me to be dirty."

            Jack pulls at his muddy red Phillies shirt, "My grandmother will just think that I am in trouble again.  Now that it looks safe, what should we do now?"

            Jack and Willie looked at Calvin for the answer.  "Let's go back to the lake and get our bikes."

            "Follow me," Jack said as walked on a narrow path down a hill.  Calvin followed as Willie trailed behind.  Trees and brush surrounded them as they walked.  Jack and Calvin kept looking around to be sure it was safe.  After a few minutes, Willie started to sing.  Calvin elbowed him, "Sssssshhhhhhhh."  Jack turned and glared at him. 

            They walked in silence.

            Suddenly, Jack threw out his right arm, stopped sharply, and whispered, "Stop."  Calvin collided into Jack, dislodging his hat.  Willie dove to his right and crawled under some brush.

            Jack knelt down on his left knee, his right arm outstretched and pointing down with his forefinger.  Calvin bent over, looking over Jack's shoulder, asking, "Why'd you stop?"

            "Look.  There's his paw print."

            The boys, in awe, stared at an eight inch tiger paw print etched into the soft ground. 

            "You didn't see the tiger?" came a voice from the brush.  Willie stood, wiping away dirt and leaves.

            "So, we weren't imagining things.  We really did see a tiger."  Calvin remarked under his breath as he stood up, looking around for the tiger.

            "What is a tiger doing out here?" asked Jack.  "Tigers don't live in the Poconos."

            "I don't know, but let's get our bikes before we see it again."  Calvin replied as he rose.

            Jack stood in front of Calvin and resumed leading the boys down the path.  Willie scrambled out of the brush, slowed down to see the tiger's paw print, then hurried to catch Calvin.

            Nearing the lake, the boys game to the edge of the woods.  They could see their mountain bikes lying on the ground by the water.  A meadow of long, green grass separated them from their bikes.  Jack stopped.

            "What is it?" asked Willie.

            "I hope nothing.  I just wanted to look around before we get out in the open."

            All three looked around.

            "All clear."  Jack walked towards their mountain bikes, as the others followed.

            The boys slipped their backpacks over their shoulders and strapped on their helmets.  "Where are we going?" Willie asked.

            "I think we should try to figure out what's going on.  Remember, before we saw the tiger, we heard a loud noise," Calvin said thoughtfully.

            "Yeah, I remember the noise.  It sounded like it came from near the river," Jack recollected.

            Getting on his bike, Calvin instructed, "Let's go the river and see what the noise was.  Maybe it will explain the tiger."

            "Okay, but I don't think anything can explain a tiger in these woods," Willie doubted out loud as he climbed on his bike.  "By the way, what do we do if we see the tiger while we are riding?"

            Jack looked up and down at his slightly overweight friend, "All I have to do is ride my bike faster then you."  Jack rode away.

            Beginning to pedal, Willie snarled, "That's not funny."

            The boys followed a dirt path  about two miles until they came to the southern end of Bear Lake, which was marked by a dam, holding the lake in place.  The path ran next to Bear Creek for another two miles until it emptied into a larger river.  When they reached the river, the path became wider and ran between the river and roal road tracks.  After following the tracks and river for a mile, they rounded a corner, allowing them to see around a mountain. 

            For the first time, they saw the disaster.  Sheriff's cars, fire trucks, and ambulances were spread out, surrounding a train that was lying on its side, next to the tracks.

            The boys rode their bikes to the engine and started walking around.  The train was like no train they had seen before.  The cars were painted with tents, animals, and clowns.  Some of the cars were cages with animals like lions and bears in them.

            "It is a cicus train," Jack exclaimed.

            "I remember hearing something about a circus train coming through town," Calvin chipped in.  "Let's walk around and see if we can find out what happened."

            Near the engine, they saw the sheriff talking with two men, one looked like the train's engineer and the other was an older man, wearing a suit.  As they talked, they were pointing at the rear wheels of the train.  Calvin put his right forefinger to his lips, "Sssshhhh."  Then, he waived, indicating that he wanted them to follow him.  He led the boys around the engine and stopped, where they would be inconspicuous, but could still overhear the conversation.  Calvin could not overhear every word, but it sounded like a small explosive went off, causing the wheel to come dislodged from the track and the train to derail.  When the train derailed, the tiger's cage broke and he escaped.  The first priority was to capture the tiger before it hurt someone.

            Calvin heard enough.  He wanted to see the tiger's cage.  They walked by numerous people who appeared to have minor injuries.  Calvin assumed they were circus workers who were on the train when it derailed.  Paramedics and EMTs were tending to the injuries. 

            Calvin found the car that served as the tiger cage.  It was tipped over on its side.  It was empty, so obviously the tiger escaped.  However, Calvin noticed something unexpected.  "Hey guys, what's missing from this cage?"

            Jack and Willie looked at the cage.  "We already know what is missing," Willie replied.  "The tiger."

            Calvin frowned.  "Obviously.  But, if the crash enabled the tiger to escape, we should be seeing something.  But, it's missing.  What is it?"

            Jack took another look at the cage.  "I am looking, but I don't know what you are talking about."

            "The cage is not broken.  All of the bars are intact, just like the other cages.  Look, the bears, lions, and other animals are still in their cages.  Those cages did not break.  This cage did not break either.  Someone let this tiger out."

Facing Oncoming Traffic

"I was lying down in the van.  When I looked up, I saw oncoming traffic," my son explained.

In a snow storm, we were traveling on I-70 West, five miles west of Wheeling.  A twelve year old, twelve passenger van with rear wheel drive, no ABS, and no traction control can be a challenge.  The left lane was better then the right; most of the lane was clear with lots of pavement for the tires.  We approached the top of a hill and the road was covered with snow.  The pavement was gone.
The van wiggle.  I let off of the gas and gently corrected for the wiggle.  The van did not want to be corrected and wiggled some more.  Knowing the worst thing I could do is over-correct, I gently corrected the wheel.  Still, no control.  We are sliding left into the concrete wall.  To avoid wall, I must steer harder to the right; although, I know it is risky.  "Keep calm," I tell myself.  The back end begins to slide further left.  If I turn left, I don't think I can get the van back under control.  There are no cars nearby.  The road is wider, made even wider with an on-ramp to the right.  We need to stop.  I turn the wheel farther to the right, hoping I can make the van spin and come to a stop on the road.  The van spins.  I have been braking lightly.  As the van passes 180°, I step hard on the brake, hoping to stop as we complete a 360.  A pick-up is heading toward us on the ramp, but he sees us and stops.  As we complete a 300° spin, the van stops.

Everyone is quiet.  We are safe.  The van is fine.  The engine stalled.  The van starts back up and we drive aware slowly, thanking God for safety.

I am very guilty of taking God for granted, especially His care for the mundane things in life, like safe traveling.  In my head, I know that traveling is dangerous and we need to rely on God for everything.  While we drive a lot (numerous trips to Ohio, Illinois, etc), I have never been in a serious accident.  So, I fail to truly appeciate the danger of driving and my need for God to safely deliver us to our destination.

I hope that this spinning adventure will permanently remind me to truly pray for all things and rely on Him for everything, even mundane things in life that I have done thousands of times.  I hope my adventure will remind you as well.  I don't want God to spin you into oncoming traffic so you will see Him.

My Kids Are Running In Church

It is basically a weekly occurrence.  When church is over, the older members of my family get the younger members of the family from their classes and return to the auditorium.  Before leaving, my wife and I try to talk to different people and build relationships.  Meanwhile, my nearly four year old boy and three year old girl are running around the auditorium, climbing the steps on the stage, jumping off the stage, crawling under pews and anything else they can think of to embarass me.

I feel bad.  Children should not be running in church.  Worse, my children should not be running.  This is not acceptable.  But, if I am going to talk to people after church, my kids are going to run around; it is unavoidable.  I can only stop the running by leaving, which essentially consists of dragging the kids to the van.

I feel bad that my kids are running in church.  I judge myself.  I did not used to let my children run in church, but I can't stop these kids.  If you are wondering, there is a reason that I now let my children run in church.  My older children, the non-runners, are my biological children, so I could effectively discipline them and stop their running.  These running children are foster children.  So, everything I do with them is regulated by the State.  Discipline is especially regulated.  These regulations make it impossible to effectively discipline.  The result is often chaos, as seen when they are running in church.

At this point, I have learned to accept the running so that I can do other important things, like build relationships.  Also, I use their running to remind me that I need to pray for them.

I ask that people in church who see them running will also pray for them.  In his book Adopted for Life, Russell Moore explains that the church needs to develop a culture of adoption.  While many things go into developing a culture of adoption, one item is praying for adopted and foster children.  Not only can the running children remind someone to pray for the children, it can also spur them to pray for other nations.  He writes, "The children running through your church halls can be a perpetual signal to pray and labor for the nations to know Christ."  In my case, it is surely perpetual, as these kids are perpetually running.

When you see my children running in church, please pray for them.  Don't just pray for their behavior.  Pray for my sanity, and my wife's sanity, as we raise these very active, strong-willed children.  More importantly, pray for their salvation.  And the salvation of their mother.  And the salvation of their sisters who do not live in our home.  And the social workers who oversee the children.  And the attorneys who represent the State, the children, and the mother.  You get the idea; there are many people to pray for.  While we can address their physical needs, like behavior, it will mean nothing if they spend eternity in hell.  My goal in raising these foster children is not to save them from hell on earth, but to save them from a literal hell when their lives end.  For this, they need prayer, and less judgment by me.