It's a little past 10:00 a.m. on Sunday. I should be at church now. Instead, I sit on my couch watching my 4 year old foster child play on the floor. Between 7:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m., he had three separate blow-ups. I have been hit and kicked numerous times today. When he acts like this, there has to be consequences. We warned him that he cannot go to church if he continues to act this way. He continued; now, we are home.
I have a headache from his screaming and hitting.
I'm confused. Does God want us to care for these children? If so, then why is the State trying to take them from us? If He wants us to care for them, then why won't He just let us do it.
Does God want us to stop caring for these children? If so, then why are they still here?
Does God want us to continue to fight to keep the kids in our home? Or, does He want us to stop and let them leave? Why won't He give a clear answer.
As I write, my computer plays the song "Do Something" by Matthew West. God, I am trying to do something. Is this what You want me to do? If so, let me do it.
The 4 year old is playing quietly now. He has a great smile. My head still hurts. My heart hurts. My head spins with confusion.